Nutella. Peanut Butter. The World

It simply had to be tried.

Peanut Butter. Nutella. Can they be smashed together in a most delicious multi-cultural culinary tryst?

They do, after all, have so much in common. Peanut Butter is good on bread. Ditto Nutella. Peanut Butter, at least to me, is also just fine straight out of jar. Nutella, again, ditto. Both lend themselves to being followed with a cold glass of milk.

Both are, also, not particularly good for you.

But then, they have their differences. Peanut Butter pairs well with its long time partner, jelly (or jam, if you prefer). Nutllea? Maybe in some circles, but for me not so much. Peanut Butter sticks to the roof of your mouth. Nutella? Not so much. And Peanut Butter is more of an old stand by; been around a little longer than Nutella.

And then of course, Peanut Butter is 100% pure 'Merican (though I think it might have first been made in Canada). Nutella is a purely Eurepoean, the hazelnut and chocolate spread being invented in Italy to stretch cocoa a little farther the postwar rationing environment.

War. Rationing. What could be more European than that?

So much more than culinary Nirvana is at stake here. We are talking about re-uniting a frayed alliance, that special alliance between the USA and Europe, battered by war, ignorance, and different interpretations of Football, under a banner of friendship. If Peanut Butter and Nutella can get together and make something beautiful...well, who knows what is possible?

When an idea like this seizes you, you can't let it go. You can't stand idly by. Not while the fate of western civilization hangs in the balance.

Damn the calories. Damn the fat. Give me that bread. Let's do this shit.

And so I did. And you know what?

We're doomed.

Peanut Butter and Nutella are just...incompatible. I mean, yeah, you'd think it would work, becuase Peanut Butter and chocolate make a wonderful pair; but there isn't enough chocolate in the Nutella to fire up that particular relationship. And the peanuts offset against the hazelnut? On paper, you'd think it would work (what's wrong, after all, with mixed nuts?). But in practice? Eh.

So yeah. They're exclusive. As far as all that other stuff is concerned? Well, it looks like Europe and America will keep drifitng farther apart until a repair to the relationship is just impossible.

Sorry Afghanistan. I tried. But I couldn't save NATO.