So it was an odd kind of relief when on Monday morning I opened the Guardian and CNN.com and saw that the thing that most people wanted to read and talk about was the so called "Downfall" of Taylor Swift at the hands of Kim Kardashian, lusciously endowed warrior princess. It's almost as if before the political conventions really started we all came up for air and took a deep breath, reveling in the triviality of it all, before turning once again to ugly, serious matters.
As best as I can figure it goes something like this: Kanye West has a lyric in a song where he says something like "Taylor and I, well, we might-a' still make-a the sexy time. Maybe. We shall see, yes? Why do you ask that this might be the case? Ah! Well, I made that bitch famous. So. She owes me." Swift was offended, Kanye protested that she and Taylor talked about and it she was cool with it, and Taylor was like "uh, no?" and stuff. But the other day Kim Kardashian posted a video of Kanye and Taylor discussing the lyric (at least the sex part) and Taylor saying she was okay with it.
So Taylor has been found to be a liar, though in this political season that is not in itself remarkable. She recovered enough to defend herself, saying that it was the "bitch" part of the lyric that was never discussed and that she never agreed to.
Still, the Internet cackles with glee. Another star has been brought back to earth, and now perhaps we shall drag her through the mud.
And I am not sure where I fall in all of this.
I gather there are some legitimate criticisms of Ms. Swift - she seems a bit too contrived. Never a hair out of place. Carefully choreographed outings with a "string" of boyfriends. Always seemingly so surprised when she wins major awards (and she has won many) even though she really probably expected to win, all while sort of breathing a sort of happy optimistic kind of feminism that doesn't really seem to fit the bill in a world where so many women, even famous women, still find that they struggle to be truly heard.
I am not sure about the last point - I think I "borrowed" it from someone, as Melania Trump's speechwriters might say. Still, it seems we can't stand to see a woman succeed and heavens knows she shouldn't actually enjoy her success (this is straight from The Guardian, by the way). But I also think part of it may be that in America we value authenticity above all things, and when someone is thought to be something of a fake we love it when they fall. Swift is, perhaps, not really seen as an authentic person, borne out by the fact that she seems to drift stylistically towards whatever kind of music will make her the most money. She has not remained true to herself. She plays it safe. She doesn't really have much to say. She is not really much of an artist.
But she does play a catchy tune.
On the flip side of all of this is Mr. West -- not Adam West (which would be awesome) but Kanye West. He styles himself the artist in all this, willing to say what we are all thinking, giving expression to the silent pulls within all of us; it would seem that all those silent little tugs on our soul are telling us that Kanye West is fucking awesome, and we all love him. But he's an artist yeah? I mean he grabs for big things, his album The Life of Pablo has been revised a billion times as an artist might (though many artists would rather not revise and just leave the work to express a particular given moment), he had that huge launch party that was an utter disorganized flop, he's got the clothing line and such and so on and so on. And the music crackles with creativity, he's doing some interesting things here and there.
But I actually don't like his music much at all.
I know it's good, and I can appreciate that. But for me it's like watching the Godfather. I know that it is a good movie, I can see why it is a good movie and that it is an excellent piece of work. But I don't actually get much out of watching it.
But at least the Godfather says something about something. Most of what I have heard from Kanye West seems to be about how awesome he is. Truth perhaps, he seems like a pretty awesome guy -- but artistically I am not sure he has much to say. If there is anything, it isn't on the surface, you got to dig to find it. But for me Kanye's music doesn't really invite much digging into, though it is admittedly finely textured and very rich. Yet I wonder: what are we going to find in there? Are we going to find some kernel of real experience? Or we just going to get a more multi-faceted view into how great Kanye West is? Yes, if you dive deep into Taylor Swift you'll bang your head on the shallow end of the pool, but at least she is giving voice to different elements of experience that one can relate to - mostly heartbreak, being young, and being in love. It's hard to relate to Kanye West, at least for me, because so much of Kanye West is about being Kanye West. He may couch this as art, but I can't grab on to much.
So now you may think that I may be leaning towards Taylor in this whole feud. But I don't think I can. I admire that West is striving towards something - even if he seems to be only striving to a greater self aggrandizement as an art form. I like Swift's music better, but it's cookie cutter and while West is trying to take us on a journey to Kanye-West-is-Jesus-Land, Taylor really is only taking us to an afternoon of humming "Bad Blood" to yourself all afternoon in a vaguely annoying way.
We seem to be at impasse. Neither of these two seems to be worth backing. What shall we do?
Simple. We shall give the award to the woman with the biggest tits. And that, my friends, leads us to Kim Kardashian, the fury and the muse in this whole torrid affair.
Kim Kardashian, oddly, seems to be the most authentic of them all. She is merely famous for being famous - she doesn't seem to consider herself anything other than that and she isn't really anything other than that. There is no artistry here (though there is cunning). She simply asks that we consume her, and be consumed by her, and be infuriated with her senseless fame. It is her oxygen, her reason for existence, merely to be herself and be famous and that is all there is too it. And I guess for that she should be applauded? Maybe?
Phew. A good breath of fresh air, that. Lots of meaningful discussion about nothing. So much more fun than meaningless conversations about the fate of our nation.
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