Hillary! Hillary!....Hillary?

Fairness would dictate that I would sit here tonight and watch Hillary Clinton speak as she accepts the Democratic nomination for president.  History demands it too.  Where were you when the first woman officially accepted her nomination to be President of the United States?

The way things are going right now, I will either be asleep or I will be watching old episodes of Seinfeld on hulu, drinking hot cocoa laced with Bailey's.  It may be 90 degrees right now at 9:57 pm with 80% humidity, but its still good.  

Look folks:  I'm tired.  And it's not my job to watch these speeches and comment on them.  Lots of people are doing that, they have lots of great things to say.  Go and read their blogs.

But, since I guess I have to say something on this historic night, I offer this:

I read Obama's speech from last night, and it was awesome.  Awesome.  Frank Bruni of the New York Times called him an American Poet, and I think that's true.  I don't know if we all agree on his vision of America, but he sure does sell it well.  My God does he sell it well.  I for one will be in line to buy his Presidential Memoirs whenever they come out; I am sure they will be a joy.

So, about Hillary Clinton.

Look, I'm going to vote for her.  I think that's a foregone conclusion.  Nothing Donald Trump could say or do is going to make me vote for him.  He could get Katy Perry to meet me at the 36th street gate with 12 dozen fresh Krispy Kreme donuts and I still wouldn't vote for him.  Even if he offered me a princely sum I wouldn't do it.  I couldn't live with myself.

But Hillary Clinton -- I dunno man.  She doesn't seem real to me.

I know I have said many times that the desire to have someone in office just like us common folk is sort of dumb.  That was the supposed draw of Sarah Palin.  "She's just like me!"  I know I don't want someone just like me to be the leader of the free world.  I am not up for it.  My mother might think I would do a fine job, because that is what mother's do.  But in my heart of hearts I just know that it would simply be to much for me.

What do we do about ISIS?  I don't know.
.
How can we stimulate the economy?  Beats me.

Sir, well, what about the Bushmen?  What about them?  Look, it's 10:13 PM, I'm really tired, I just want to belt back a few bourbons and watch reruns of Seinfeld on Hulu.  Can we talk about this tomorrow?  

But Hillary Clinton now.  She has not driven her own car, probably, since 1992.  That gives me pause.  She also lied about her emails.  That gives me longer pause.  I was willing to forgive her for setting up her own server -- though why I was so willing to do that I am not sure.  But the explanation she gave to us, had given us for months, turned out to be not quite the truth. That bothered me greatly.  And now all these revelations about the DNC, backing Clinton over Sanders and trying to push him out of the race...The Clinton's are powerful.  The most powerful people on this earth.  They live in a different world, where maybe they just kind of do whatever they want.  Thankfully they seem to do this mostly for good, but also I think for their own self-aggrandizement.

It's only a pause though.  Oh Republicans.  If you had managed to nominate a moderate this year, you might have had me.  But now you guys are veering hard to starboard and you have nominated a demagouge for president.  You could have had me, sans Krispy Kreme donuts.

But now? If you want my vote?  It's going to cost you.

Trump! Trump! Trump!

So tonight, with no cable and with CNN GO offering only 9:00 of free coverage, I am going to be listening to Trump's speech tonight and doing a sort of stream of conciousness minute by minute thing that maybe you can read later if you are so inclined.

So its 8:39 PM Eastern Time.  The Governor of Oklahoma is talking about how she is awesome, thanks to optimism, determination, beef, and good old fashioned values.  God.  Applause it tepid.  It's not a great speech.  I'm kind of wondering how many people are actually listening.  She says that Trump will speak "Truth to Power".  Which I think is Nietzsche, yeah?  

Well....I am going to do some dishes.  I'll be back.  Incidentally, I thought that Cruz did a very brave thing by not endorsing Trump yesterday.  I'm sure he decided he has more to gain by doing so, but still.  It was funny to see that Trump actually glared at him from the back of the hall.  It was like WWE...I'm just waiting for someone to grab a chair and bonk someone over the head.  

8:48.  Still no Trump.  

9:00.  Okay, so apparently we are still a whole hour away from Trump speaking.  Do these people know how tired how I am?  I don't think I can make that.  I am seriously considering whether this is worth it or not.  Everybody in the crowd sounds tired too.  They all, I think, want to go home.

9:20.  In the course of doing more dishes, and getting kids water, and schlepping things up and down the stairs, etc. etc., I break a Pyrex measuring glass in the kitchen.  Bollocks.  

9:36  The Guardian reports that Trump will speak around 10:15.  Man.  It just keeps going on and on and on.  Whoever is speaking now is bashing the Iran deal, which I thought was...good?  Hard to say.  So far so good, I'd say.  But we'll see.  

9:45 - Seriously reassessing my priorities in life.   I hear a heck of a lot of crazy saxophone music down there.  Someone is really laying down some Truth!  I imagine there are lot of people dancing very badly right now.  I wonder what kind of music Donald Trump actually likes?  He's never really talked much about it - which is strange because he kind of talks about everything.  Clearly he thinks the saxophone is one hell of an instrument.  Really, who is this band?  They are cheezy, and yet they are very solid.

9:54 - Drum solo.  Break it down!  

10:00 Allright, now were talking.  There is a video on Donald's Trump career being shown, including that time he "wrote" the Art of The Deal.  Its coming!  Soon, soon, soon.....

10:04 -  Here is Ivanka Trump.  Now I am actually watching the RNC live feed on You Tube.  I wonder how it is that there seems to be a bit of wind blowing through Ivanka's hair.

10:07 - Since when did Trump work for the world around us?  He's some kind of batman now?  Though it is very hard to criticize a woman talking about her father.  Very hard.  Hold your fire everyone!  Hollllllllllllld.....

10:09 HA!  Colorblind and gender neutral.  Platitudes my lady.  Platitudes.  She does look awkward up there.  Assured, but awkward.  Smiling for applause lines.

10:11 Some very forceful language about how Trump treats women at his company.  I wonder how Trump is actually going to make child care accessible to all?  Perhaps he will elaborate later.  Ivanka promises Equal pay for Equal work on behalf of her father.  Which would be good. I mean, how can you disagree with that?

10:14 - Donald Trump is inacapable of thinking small --- because he is incapable of thinking!  Ha.  You set your self up for that one.  

10:15 - Where is the Trump?  The Donald?  The man?  Do I really think he cries everytime he sees a boarded up Main Street?  THAT I would like to see.  Listening to Ivanka is like when you go to someone's wedding and you hear the best man give a speech about how awesome the groom is, and you are like "I know the groom....and that doesn't sound like the groom."  It's like she is talking about a totally different person then the one we have been acquainted with over the past....gosh, has it been a year?  Yeah.  It's been a year.

10:17 - Donald Trump will speak to every person of every background?  So when is he going to stop by my door.

10:18:  And there he is!  HA HA HA!  TRUMP in huge gold letters, with the drums and the dramatic music like he is going to be getting onto Apollo 13, and....wow there are more flags on stage then there are people in the audience.

10:19  Okay.  Here we go.  Little smile on the face.  Starts of humbly with some thank you's.  A weak chant from the crowd, you can barely hear them.

10:20 And he humbly accepts the nomination.  Surprise surprise.  Good start though.  He should quit while he is ahead.  Chants of USA from the crowd.  Oh, and now Trump tries to fire up the crowd.  He is clearly enjoying this.  He goes into a description of how many votes he has, and he has more votes than the democrats, so I guess he is the shit then.  He is a winner, and so he will be a great leader.

10:22 Law and Order.  He is Batman.  Really.  Donald J Trump......is Batman.

10:23 Mentions radical terrorism and threats to police....And Trump is going to end all the violence.  Let's hear how?

10:24  His speaking style reminds me just a little of Bill Cosby in full Jello Pudding Pop mode.  Probably not someone you really want to be compared to.

10:25.  I see.  If we stop being politically correct the violence will stop.  So let's here some Truth Donald Trump . Lay it on me!  Let's go.  I'm ready....

10:26  He seems now to be running for the mayor of a major city, talking about crime and shooting and violence.  With guns.  But he blames it all on Obama, as if he is the cause for the whole thing, which is an incredible claim to make.  Just incredible.  What power, really, does the President have over local law and order?  Ah....the Mexicans, the illegals, the muslims.  Jesus Christ this man is loathsome.  Chants of "Build the Wall! Build the Wall!  Build the Wall!".  All Trump is peddling is fear and sadness.

10:29  He paints a pretty bleak economic picture.  That is probably the most truthful thing he has said.  We, he says, will fix it.  But I'll tell ya, he's just got a pocket full of magic beans.

10:32  Shhhh.  I'm listening.  Now to our many humiliations.  Syria now.  I would like to know what Trump would propose we do about that one.

10:34  Hillary Clinton now, and her bad record on foreign policy (apparently).  Wow.  He basically blamed the whole ails of the middle east on Hillary Clinton alone, from Egypt to Libya to Syria to Iran even to Iraq.  Though he does make an important point -- after 15 years of wars in the middle east we have little to show.  Wars that Bush, a REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT, started.  Hell, Bush was in power 15 years ago.

10:36  Okay now Trump.  What do you got?  We are in the shit.  How do you get us out?  

10:37.  Americanism, not Globalism.  Respect is earned, not deserved.  Have we earned it?

10:39.  Law and Order again.  KUNG CHUNG!  Batman.

10:39  There are about 217,000 people watching on the You Tube feed right now.  Pretty good pull, I guess.

Trump: ‘We are going to fix the system so it works for all Americans ’ Photograph: John Moore/Getty Images

10:40.  Trump is practically screaming into the mike.  And yet here we are 20 minutes into the speech, and there has not been one piece of policy, not one single idea.  Not a one.  It isn't there.  Just big "isms".  Populism.  American Exceptionalism.  Trump, Billionare, takes on the voice of the poor and disenfranchised...and maybe there is something to there to the very compassionate person Ivanka was talking about.

10:43  The crowd is trying to get a full head of steam up here.  They can't seem do it.  Like an old man on his anniversary who is waiting for the viagra to kick in, and it just.....it just isn't happening.

10:44  Hello Cleveland!  You rock!  I think that was just something to get a cheer out of the crowd.  This is something else man.  Something else.

10:44.  Ah yes.  The emails.  I sympathise with him there, actually.  It really makes me pause when I consider a vote for Hillary Clinton.  She lied about the system she had, and I think she was just dumb to have her own email.  Another example of the Clinton's living in their own world.  Though Trump has layered on much more than just that, he sounds like a conspiracy theorist.

10:47 Literally, at this point, I say "Goddamn, what a fucking son of a bitch".  Only he can fix our ills?  He is like Batman and Jesus, all rolled into one.  He makes an appeal for Bernie Sanders supporters.  I'll tell you what....this democrat never will.  He is getting very little applause here.  Very little.

10:49  Mike Pence now.

10:50 Hillary Clinton is probably watching and saying "Oh, these rustics are so inept.  It nearly takes the honor out of victory.....nearly."

10:51.  Don't compare Trump to Hitler.  Hitler was a way better public speaker.  Way better.

10:51  Now we are back to law and order again.  This is very disogranzied.  I wonder if he is just shooting from the cuff at this point.

10:51  For the thrid time he says we are going to bring law and order back to the streets.  I think this is a bomb man.  He's dying out there.  Dying.  Batman is dying.

10:53  He will protect the children, and make sure they are all equal.  All treated equally.  BUT HOW IS HE GOING TO DO IT!  THIS IS MADDENING!  Most people have a plan.  It may be a shitty plan, and it might not work, but its still a plan.  I don't think he has any plan.  None.  I am

10:54  He is almost on a loop here.  We are going to defeat ISIS now.  Fast.  Good fucking luck.  HOW WILL YOU DO IT!???  HOW???

10:55 I am literally just getting angrier and angrier watching this.  Believe me.  Believe me.  It's total shit.  Am I just dreaming?  Am I taking crazy pills?  Does anyone else see what I am seeing????  This man has not a clue.  Not a clue.    He has not said one constructive thing in like 36 minutes.  It is nice, though, this convention to see a rift finally developing in the party over human sexuality.

10:56  "God.  Stupid fucking idiot".  That is what I said when he decides to blame Hillary Clinton for the problems in the Middle Easter.  There was this man, called George W. Bush.  He invaded Iraq.  It was stupid.  Trump only says we are going to win, and we are going win fast?  HOW!!!???

10:59.  I'll bet Israel is quaking in their boots right now.

11:00 Trump is now taking credit for NATOs resent call to set up a task force to fight Terrorism.  Nicely done.

11:00  Oh boy.  We are going to suspend imigration from the middle east.  We don't want them in our country, he says.

11:01  Well the screening thing is a lie.  It is very, very hard to get into the US if you are a refugee, at least that is my understanding.  Maybe someone is lying to me, but I think it's probably the man with the funny hair on my computer.

11:03  And now we bob back over the immigration again.  We're back on the illegal immigration thing again.  This is a really horrible speech.  Really horrible.  In structure, in words, in delivery.  It is just very, very bad.  I don't really care what your political persuasion is.  This is a horrible speech.  I am not sure how many times I can type that.  I am sort of curious to see how long he decides he is going to go on for.  

11:05.  You know?  I think Donald Trump needs to read a few more books.

11:08  Based on the Guardians feed most of this speech is not ad-libbed but actually written.  Which is incredible.  It is incredible that someone can write something so insipid, and horrible, and disorganized, and incoherent.  And so long.  This has to end.

11:09  More USA Chants again.  Weak.  Very weak.  I don't think that people in the crowd can really believe what they are seeing.  They all kind of looked shell shocked.  I know I am.  My mind is definetly starting to wander.  He is coming up on an hour.  And its been a desultory hour spent in an act of politcal masturbation.  But that would actually probably be more fun.

11:15  I do notice now that only 201,711 people are watching.  Some of us have decided to ditch.

11:17  Now he is finally getting into his plans.  Tax cuts.  Fewer government restrictions.  More energy.  More mining.  More steel working.  His notice of tax cuts gets very light applause where normally that is a huge applause line.

11:19  I don't think his economics make sense.  I am not sure.  It just sounds like a bunch of magic unicorn farts.  Ah....there is an endorsement for school choice.  Here we are at an hour mark.  Repeal and Replace Obamacare.  This is all stuff he could have said ages ago.  I can choose my own doctor now....

11:20  TSA a disaster.  THAT we can agree on.  Only 197,197 watching now.  And falling.

11:21.  So I guess if you are having problems with students loans, you can go and join the military.  It looks like we are going to talk again about foreign policy.  We will ask countries to pay for our protection.  That is exactly, exactly what the British asked us to do back when were merely a colony.  And we said "Fuck you Britain, and fuck your fucking tea!"  And America was born.  A little different, I suppose, in that that was a colony and NATO is not really like that.

11:23  Ooooh!  A 100 day pledge.  But I am not sure what is talking about now.  Only 194,973 watching now.  And falling.

11:24.  The judge issue.  THAT is an issue I think a lot of Republicans can get behind.  It shows in their applause.  Uhoh...we have buffering problems now.  But we are back.  Not quite as clear.  But yeah, the courts are a huge issue.  If Republicans are left voting for anything, its this.

11:25.  Ahhh that is Bollocks. Clinton does not want to take your guns.  I don't want to take your guns.  Obama doesn't want to take your guns.  We can't!  It's in the constitution.

11:26.  Now we are on to faith.  There is a little bit of humility from the man, which is nice to see at this late, late, late hour.

11:27.  I have Internet problems now.  Now I am watching it on my phone.  This is the third way that I have tried to watch this thing.  I still can't believe he is talking.  You have only 192,254 people watching right now, and I am inexplicably one of them.  It's like when my family rented The Holiday and my Dad was the only one who stuck with it on principle.  He has some very warm things to say about his family.  And I think we are finally wrapping things up here.....

11:29  Big Applause.  That should really be the end.  We are going to start winning again.

11:30.  Nope.  I slap myself in the face.  What a horrible idea this was.  He is finally reaching for a little bit or oratory here.  The last two minutes have been his strongest.

11:32.  Oh ho.  That was nice.  "I'm with you, the American People".  Turning the whole "I'm with her" thing that Hillary has on its head.  It hasn't saved the speech, but that was good.  Wrap it up man.  You are ahead for once.  Quit.  Stop.  Stop.  Stop talking.

11:34  And that's it!  He's done!  The crowd sounds like a small crowd at a concert.  Weak spotlights swirl around the crowd.  Balloons?  I don't see any Balloons.  Here are the families.  Applause has died down.  People are tired.  And so am I.  It's time to go home.

Some reaction from the peoples though first.  I haven't come this far not to hear what other people think.  NPR did not think it was too compelling, did not hurt but it did not help.  It certainly did not change my mind.  Oh, there are the Balloons.  There have to be balloons, and there are real fireworks too.  At least in that I am not disappointed.

The fact checkers I think are going to rip this one apart.    




  

  

Pop Culture Round-up! The Great Kanye West / Taylor Swift Feud.

These are tough times, polarizing times. I keep forgetting its not a good idea to get on Facebook shortly after I get up -- negative waves, man.  Negative waves.

So it was an odd kind of relief when on Monday morning I opened the Guardian and CNN.com and saw that the thing that most people wanted to read and talk about was the so called "Downfall" of Taylor Swift at the hands of Kim Kardashian, lusciously endowed warrior princess.  It's almost as if before the political conventions really started we all came up for air and took a deep breath, reveling in the triviality of it all, before turning once again to ugly, serious matters.  

As best as I can figure it goes something like this:  Kanye West has a lyric in a song where he says something like "Taylor and I, well, we might-a' still make-a the sexy time.  Maybe.  We shall see, yes?  Why do you ask that this might be the case?  Ah!  Well, I made that bitch famous.  So. She owes me."  Swift was offended, Kanye protested that she and Taylor talked about and it she was cool with it, and Taylor was like "uh, no?" and stuff.  But the other day Kim Kardashian posted a video of Kanye and Taylor discussing the lyric (at least the sex part) and Taylor saying she was okay with it.  

So Taylor has been found to be a liar, though in this political season that is not in itself remarkable.  She recovered enough to defend herself, saying that it was the "bitch" part of the lyric that was never discussed and that she never agreed to.  

Still, the Internet cackles with glee.  Another star has been brought back to earth, and now perhaps we shall drag her through the mud.  

And I am not sure where I fall in all of this.

I gather there are some legitimate criticisms of Ms. Swift - she seems a bit too contrived.  Never a hair out of place.  Carefully choreographed outings with a "string" of boyfriends.  Always seemingly so surprised when she wins major awards (and she has won many) even though she really probably expected to win, all while sort of breathing a sort of happy optimistic kind of feminism that doesn't really seem to fit the bill in a world where so many women, even famous women, still find that they struggle to be truly heard.  

I am not sure about the last point - I think I "borrowed" it from someone, as Melania Trump's speechwriters might say.  Still, it seems we can't stand to see a woman succeed and heavens knows she shouldn't actually enjoy her success (this is straight from The Guardian, by the way).  But I also think part of it may be that in America we value authenticity above all things, and when someone is thought to be something of a fake we love it when they fall.  Swift is, perhaps, not really seen as an authentic person, borne out by the fact that she seems to drift stylistically towards whatever kind of music will make her the most money.  She has not remained true to herself.  She plays it safe.  She doesn't really have much to say. She is not really much of an artist.  

But she does play a catchy tune.    

On the flip side of all of this is Mr. West -- not Adam West (which would be awesome) but Kanye West. He styles himself the artist in all this, willing to say what we are all thinking, giving expression to the silent pulls within all of us; it would seem that all those silent little tugs on our soul are telling us that Kanye West is fucking awesome, and we all love him.  But he's an artist yeah?  I mean he grabs for big things, his album The Life of Pablo has been revised a billion times as an artist might (though many artists would rather not revise and just leave the work to express a particular given moment), he had that huge launch party that was an utter disorganized flop, he's got the clothing line and such and so on and so on.  And the music crackles with creativity, he's doing some interesting things here and there.  

But I actually don't like his music much at all.

I know it's good, and I can appreciate that.  But for me it's like watching the Godfather.  I know that it is a good movie, I can see why it is a good movie and that it is an excellent piece of work.  But I don't actually get much out of watching it.  

But at least the Godfather says something about something.  Most of what I have heard from Kanye West seems to be about how awesome he is.  Truth perhaps, he seems like a pretty awesome guy -- but artistically I am not sure he has much to say.  If there is anything, it isn't on the surface, you got to dig to find it.  But for me Kanye's music doesn't really invite much digging into, though it is admittedly finely textured and very rich.  Yet I wonder: what are we going to find in there?  Are we going to find some kernel of real experience?  Or we just going to get a more multi-faceted view into how great Kanye West is?  Yes, if you dive deep into Taylor Swift you'll bang your head on the shallow end of the pool,  but at least she is giving voice to different elements of experience that one can relate to - mostly heartbreak, being young, and being in love.  It's hard to relate to Kanye West, at least for me, because so much of Kanye West is about being Kanye West.  He may couch this as art, but I can't grab on to much.    

So now you may think that I may be leaning towards Taylor in this whole feud.  But I don't think I can.  I admire that West is striving towards something - even if he seems to be only striving to a greater self aggrandizement as an art form.  I like Swift's music better, but it's cookie cutter and while West is trying to take us on a journey to Kanye-West-is-Jesus-Land, Taylor really is only taking us to an afternoon of humming "Bad Blood" to yourself all afternoon in a vaguely annoying way.  

We seem to be at impasse.  Neither of these two seems to be worth backing.  What shall we do?

Simple.  We shall give the award to the woman with the biggest tits.  And that, my friends, leads us to Kim Kardashian, the fury and the muse in this whole torrid affair.  

Kim Kardashian, oddly, seems to be the most authentic of them all.  She is merely famous for being famous - she doesn't seem to consider herself anything other than that and she isn't really anything other than that. There is no artistry here (though there is cunning).  She simply asks that we consume her, and be consumed by her, and be infuriated with her senseless fame.  It is her oxygen, her reason for existence, merely to be herself and be famous and that is all there is too it. And I guess for that she should be applauded?  Maybe?  

Phew.  A good breath of fresh air, that.  Lots of meaningful discussion about nothing.  So much more fun than meaningless conversations about the fate of our nation.

Euro 2016 Final Predictions!!

My boss and I agree on very little.  

He thinks comedies from the 80s are wonderful (to whit: One Crazy Summer); I think the vast majority of them don't stand the test of time.  He prefers Skippy, whereas I am a JIF man through and through.  I believe that an argument is a string of statements intended to establish a proposition, where he seems to think its the automatic naysaying of anything the other person says.  

But stunningly, we both have the same predictions for Euro 2016, which starts its semifinal round today.  Even more incredible is that we believe it for the same reasons.  

We have Wales going through against Portugal to make it to the final and cap what has been a fairy tail run, eclipsed by the rather stunning performance of wee Iceland.  Wales seem to be firing on all cylinders and - all due respect to Ronaldo and his impossible, cartoonish body - we just don't think that Portugal are really that good.  

So that was an easy one.  But now consider Germany and France.  

At first I wanted to pick France.  They are playing well, and are playing in their home country.  Germany didn't look so great against Italy....ah, but there is the thing.  The game between Germany and Itsly featured what are in my mind the two best sides in the tournament.  I think it will be close, but I give Germany the edge.  So does my boss, for exactly the same reasons.  

And so we come to Wales versus Germany.  I'd enjoy, maybe, seeing Wales  win...but in life there are three undeniable truths:  never get involved in a land war in Asia, never go against a Sicilian when Death is on the line, and never bet against Germany in a final. 

Der Mannschaft.  All the way.