Movies You May Not Like -- Ben Hur

So a while ago it occurred to my boss at the crackerjack factory (look, someone has to make those sweet kernels of deliciousness...you may say that is a waste of an extremely expensive college degree.  Well guess what?  I like working at the crackerjack factory.  So get bent, eat my shorts, go jump in a lake, fuck off, etc. etc. etc.) that while I am reasonably well read and well versed in music I have seen very little of the iconic films of the past.  This is the kind of things we talk about the crackerjack factory because, let's face it, people are starting to wise up to the fact that these things are actually not really very good for you.  

So, my boss made me a list of films, and told me that next year's merit raise depended on me watching each one and delivering a full report.  The list is 30 films long, and from "Ben Hur" to "The Goonies" to "One Crazy Summer", they are classics all.  Some of them I have already seen ("Jaws", "A Christmas Story", "The Godfather", among others), so I actually only have 26 to go.

I decided to start with Ben-Hur, because it seemed in keeping with Easter Season.  The plot (SPOILER ALERT...not that it matters, because apparently everyone on the planet has seen this movie except for me) is basically that this Roman General becomes the head honcho of Judea where he runs into his boyhood friend, Judah Ben-Hur, who is a well respected Jew (played by Charleston Heston).  The General, Messala, wants Ben Hur to betray some of the Jews who stand against Rome, but Ben-Hur refuses.  When Ben-Hur's sister accidentally knocks out the new Roman Governor of Judea, Messala uses this as a pretext for taking Ben-Hur down.  His family is imprisoned and he is sent to the galley's.  On the way out to the galley's he is marched through Nazareth, where Jesus (who has not yet begun his ministry) meets him and gives the thirsty Ben-Hur some water.  

From there, Ben-Hur (let's just call him Ben) becomes the best damn galley slave this side of Corinth, and he manages to win the respect of a Roman naval officer.  He becomes a charioteer, and finally returns home to settle old scores.  He beats Massala in a chariot race (the famous Ben Hur chariot race), and as a result of injuries sustained during the crash Massala dies, but not before informing Ben that his mother and sister(?) are in a leper colony. This seems like a victory to him, and he dies a proud and happy man. 

The rest of the film is basically about Ben trying to get in touch with his family, and about his desire for further revenge.  But now Jesus's ministry is in full swing, and Ben's love interest, Esther, is speaking to Ben about forgiveness.  At last he takes his mother and sister to Jerusalem because Esther thinks they can be healed by Christ.  But by now he is being tried, and the movie ends with the cruxifiction.  But in a very southern baptist touch the blood of Jesus, washed from the cross, comes into contact with Ben's mom and sis and they are healed.  'Tis a miracle!

The movie is very, very long, some 3 hours and 20 minutes.  It took several sittings to get through, and I must admit I found it a little slow.  It has a nice message, and a happy ending, and I would even say that by the standards of 1959 the acting itself isn't bad.  I have immense appreciation for the scale of the effort in terms of building sets and staging extras.  There was, after all, no CGI when Ben-Hur was made, and who ever owns the rights to it has been wise not to put in CGI effects into the film after the fact in some sort of crazy George Lucas kind of way.  

Even so, I'm happy at this point to just cross it off the list and move on to the next one.