The elevator is out at my building in the crackerjack factory, and after going down to the shop floor to check on some stuff I was on my way back and trudging up the stairs.
Now, you have to understand that these are no ordinary stairs. My building was built in 1953, when men were men, coke had sugar in it, and we built things uncomfortably on purpose so that we could remain strong in the face of communist invasion and/or insurrection. Asbestos: Cures what ails ya!
About halfway up I came across a man who could have obviously used the elevator. He was an older fellow, carrying a toolbag, and, again, he was really struggling. Rather than do one of the several things a decent person would do, like offer to take his tool bag from him or even just ask him if he's all right, I blew by him and headed up to the stop of the stairs. I was going to at least wait for him so I could hold the door, but he was taking a break on the landing and I could see it was going to be a while before he was ready to continue. Satisfied that he was probably not going to die, I went into the building.
Bad enough, yes? Surely. But what was even worse was the dark thought that flickered through my brain, the thought that if you can't walk up the steps, you probably shouldn't be working here in the first place.
That's not goose-stepping through Berlin awful or sack of Badajoz awful, but I'm not exactly listening to the better angels of my nature here either. Why bring it up here, on this blog, which if nothing else should be a vehicle for my own self-promotion? I bring it up because we live in a culture where everyone is screaming at the top of their lungs and we tend to equate the most trifling, everyday infractions of human decency with the most outrageous atrocities. But I think maybe we can learn a lot by taking a look at this one small episode.
The thing that bothers me about this is that 10 years ago I probably would have done the decent thing and at least offered to help in some way. I was certainly more compassionate back then. This may be because, as a freshly minted Eagle Scout, I may have had the scout motto "Do a good turn daily" (or is that the scout slogan? Hmmm.....its been a while) ringing a little more loudly in my ears with a little more force. Or it might have been that my Christian faith, which has become harder and harder to maintain, was felt more deeply, and I was more likely to be moved to at least offer some assistance.
What's happened in the last 10 years? I graduated from college, I got a job, I got a family, I bought a house. I spend most of my time in an office, overseeing crackerjack production, to make sure that I have enough money to continue to support the lifestyle I want to have. I worry about having enough to send my daughter to college, about having enough to one day retire on, and I am confronted with the fact that I will have to toil for many, many years to make it all work out.
Such an outlook on life can only turn one's focus inward. Plus, while family is great and all, its not the rosiest of outlooks. No wonder the heart is hardened.
If we turn away from the self for a second and think about society as a whole, what does this mean? I am, after all, one of the responsible ones, one of the people working hard to make money to spend money and keep our nation afloat (and well supplied with crackerjack). Would it be different if I could hand over some of the responsibility to the government? Would I care more for my fellow man if less of my money went to me and more of it went to a man in a bow tie and a clipboard to, ostensibly, help others who need it most?
Probably not. I would probably just get the sense that someone else is taking care of people in need, and the heart remains hardened. Living in a society where "we are all in this together" probably won't change my outlook too much.
The thing I have found to be strange about Republicans is that while they want to stay out of people's financial lives so that they are more responsible for themselves some of them seem to take great interest in who you are sleeping with, what influences we are exposing ourselves to, and what God we pray to, if any. I think this is because it seems to me that a society living with complete Liberty functions best when its people are decent and compassionate. The only force that can instill those kind of feelings in us is something greater than ourselves, and I think that is why faith is often so important to conservatives. I think my callousness proves their point.
I find myself thinking that if my faith was stronger I would be a better person. And yet, at the same time, it seems that reduces God to nothing more than a self-help book. I wonder if such a faith can be truly authentic. At that point, are you just projecting onto God those things that you would like to believe in, rather than the truth?
Well, I think I have over thought this into oblivion. It might just be a simple matter of the fact that maybe I am not the nicest person in the world, and I have to remind myself to "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" (i.e. don't be a dick) a little more often.
Or, as two great philosophers will say in the future, if they can get Eddie van Halen to play guitar for them, "Be Excellent to Each Other".
Though you know, its been over 20 years and the Wild Stallions super-band still hasn't gotten off the ground. But I guess its kind of hard to keep it together when your rhytmn guitarist disappears into the Matrix...
Although not an Eagle Scout I found myself falling more and more into a selfish and self serving rut, same with Jonathan. I don't know about you, but I was not happy there. I got abruptly thrown back into God's arms last summer with the death of our 5th son, which in its way was a blessing, but I'm still fighting to stay there and not fall back into The World.
ReplyDeleteIt was simpler when we were kids.