Christmas Music

Veterans Day when I was growing up was not a day I used to pay a large amount of attention to, I'll be honest. That is certainly something that has changed over the last decade, but when I was a kid the only things that really mattered about Veterans Day where:

1. My Dad was (is -- he's not dead!!) a US Navy Veteran

2. I knew that Veterans Day was started as a way to commemorate Armistice Day which ended World War I, and on this day I would invariably think about how stupid it was that fighting continued right up to the armistice to the very last second. That hasn't changed, especially when this year my Dad sent me an article about the last known deaths of World War I.

3. For a while when I was a kid, the day after Veterans Day, 11/12, was the day on which it was acceptable for my Mom to start playing Christmas Carols around the house. She just loved Christmas so much. Still does (she's not dead!), but I think now she holds off until a more appropriate day after Thanksgiving.

I myself approach Christmas music with a little trepidation. I am an old fashioned kind of guy, so I tend to enjoy the good old Old World Hymns, being sung by choirs of quality. When I listen to "The Holly and the Ivy" or "In Dulci Jubilo" I find myself magically transported back to old England and the Christmases I remember from the many renditions of "A Christmas Carol" I have seen on television. And then I realize I am in a bad part of town, and the sky is black with soot from the boot blacking factories, and a strange figure has been stalking me for a few blocks, and Hey! Some dasterdly little ragamuffin has made off with my wallet! Maybe this time travel thing is not such a good idea after all, what what!...

So yes, the classic choir songs are great. But I also like the carols as sung by the men and women from the golden age of radio. The Bing Crosby's, the Frank Sinatras, the Nat King Cole's, the Women from the Golden Age of Radio's. I know they are nostalgic, but they sound really, really good. The sound like...dare I say it...yes, I will...Christmas. And Pavarotti singing "O Come all ye Faithful"? Melts my heart everytime. Everytime.

On the flip side of the coin, there is the music of today, which like an old man from a simpler time I can never get comfortable with becuase in spite of my efforts to be hip and with it I just don't understand becuase it frightens me. No, strike that, it doesn't frighten me, it simply annoys me.

Why? For one, I think everyone these days tries too hard. The classic versions of these songs are so well known that I think artists who try to make a Christmas album today go to great lengths to try and add something new, try to make it their own, and for me it usually falls flat. Sometimes the results are pretty funny (I love nothing more than to hear a singer give it their all on "The Little Drummer Boy" and indulge in a couple of over-enthusiastic Rump-a-pum-pums"), but often its just like "what the hell where you thinking?"

Second - Manheim Steamroller. Just tone it down a notch, fellas. Let us drink our Christmas tea in peace.

Third - Brian Setzer and his "orchestra", who really only pops up around Christmas to give concerts at Rockafeller Center like a little Christmas mole, only to be whacked down again by an unappreciative public.

A special meassage to my good friend Mr. Setzer: Don't worry, Brian Setzer. Santa may be dead to me but I belive in you and your swing revolution, though I can't dance for shit. 1997 was a great year. We'll get it back baby. We'll get it back.

So..You may be starting to think that I am a Grinch. That, perhaps, I have a heart two sizes to small. Perhaps you are right, but history (as captured in the rest of these posts) will have to judge that.

And that is going to have to about do it for this one. A little teaser for you: Keeping on the theme of Christmas Music, the next post is a daring tale of a little Christmas audacity that involves a special guest and long time friend of the Blog (not really, please don't sue me Neil), Mr. Neil Diamond.

Since I did note that Mr. Diamond is not my friend, I may as well make a full disclosure and say I am also not Mr. Setzer's friend, or rather he is not my friend. I am sure if we got to know each other, we would hit it off, except for the fact that in spite of what I said before I am a part of the unappreciative public that happily sends him back down the molehole on December 26th. In short, I lied. It is true that I can't dance though.

One time, one time my wife and I went to this place to learn how do to an Argentinian Tango (which if you can't dance is a really bad idea), and the instructor assumed we had some knowledge of the mystery of the Tango. I got paired up with this cougar who, after a few bars, refused to dance with me, didn't even want to stoop down to my level to try and help me out. The experience left me in tears, and my ballroom dancing days were over.

Gosh, that was personal. And since we are telling the truth, I don't know if the woman I was dancing with was necessarly a cougar (i.e. a woman over 40 seeking sexual relations with a man (or woman?) at least 8 years her junior). If she was really a Cougar though, she certainly wouldn't have had me based on the thought that perfomance on the dance floor is often considered indicative of one's sexual prowess. That may have been the most painful thing of all.

Is it still called prowess if you are a man? That makes no sense to me.