My immediate response was: who the fuck is Matt Walsh?
Well, a quick look on the Google told me pretty much what I need to know. Matt Walsh is some guy who has a blog, a pretty successful blog, and he doesn't mind telling you about how awesome his blog is. My baptism into the Walsh blog was the statement:
In just a few days, this website will pass the 30 million view threshold.
And he proceeds, graciously, to share the two secrets to his success.
Well Matt, in maybe a month or two this blog will pass the 8,000 view threshold. Allow me to share with you the two keys to my success.
1. Write pretty well, but don't really say anything.
Listen: I think well of myself as a writer, I believe I can turn a phrase or two. I think given the right opportunity I could probably make a couple bucks here and there writing erotic haiku or technical manuals on the proper lubrication of a series T-275 industrial fabrication machine.
But I find, sadly, increasingly, that I have very little to really say. I don't have very strongly held beliefs, there are few things I am truly passionate about. If I am willing to beat to quarters to take a stand on a particular point of view, I am more likely to do a lot of navel gazing and examine the holes in my own argument rather than build a pointed, persuasive attack in support of my own view. By the time I work through an argument and shore everything up time has marched on and the moment for the conversation has passed. My ethics are grey, my principles muddled.
What's worse is I'm fairly dispassionate to boot, and hyperbole is not my strong suit. I could never turn it up to 11 and summon the vitriol that Mr. Walsh pours on the most recent incarnation of Les Miserables (which I remember actually enjoying). I mean...wow, Matt. Chill out. It was only a movie. You didn't like it. Okay. I'm actually rather impressed that you could sustain your level of emotion long enough to write that post, especially as you saw the movie the night before.
So I end up writing about things that people don't care about. Abortion is a hot-topic. Education is a hot-topic. But for these things I wouldn't even know where to begin in untangling my own thoughts, let alone trying to persuade someone else to change their own point of view. But a treatise on the Battle of Endor? Cock and Ball Sweaters? The gall filled breasts of Our Lady Hubris? Those are the things I write about. Unfortunately for me people care not a whit about such things.
2. Do absolutely nothing to get the word out or otherwise make money off of it.
Don't put up ads, don't comment on other people's blogs, don't announce it on a radio show. It helps too if you don't have a radio show in the first place by which you can reach even a modest number of people. Believe that you are going to fail, and that it was probably a good thing after all that you didn't change your major to English in your senior year. Play it safe.
Well, all I can do is with Mr. Walsh the best of luck in the future as he continues doing what he does. What he does agitates me (I don't know why....as the break up letter I linked to above notes, something about his posts makes me angry, gets the dander up, etc. etc.), but I have to admit he does it well.
Look, if I sound bitter, it's only because I think I could do the same. There is a missing ingredient, maybe it's a lack of strong points of view, or a lack of bellicosity, a lack of innate intelligence, I don't know....But I honestly think I could write as well as this guy. I don't know, but I think I could. I think it's in there. Probably not as persuasively, but I think still yet: as well, maybe even better. And if he could do it, why not me?
Vy you? Vy anybody?
Maybe it's time to believe in myself, if nothing else.
Unfortunately for you, dear readers (all 11 of you), that means it's probably also time to put ads up on the blog. Based on the sometimes risque subject matter of this blog, I wonder what kind of products might be advertised?
Not sure, but don't be surprised if in a few weeks you'll be able to buy an official set of Wassoblog Mardi Gras Beads. Guaranteed to be more fun than the Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrows Fat Tuesday Pancake Dinner or your money back.
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