You're Hanging out with the Crazy Croat on WAMF "The Fuzz".

Sports talk?  Yeah.  I think I could do it.  Here's why:

First of all, I have just helped launch an aircraft carrier today at work.  If you are having a crisis of confidence I'd highly recommend it. Seeing 90,000 tons slip out into the James River and knowing you had a hand in it, that you were a fairly important player in its preparation, makes you FEEL like you can do just about anything.

I understand, of course, that I am actually quite limited with regards to my abilities.  Still, if you came up to me right now and put a scalpel in my hand and said "perform a tracheometry on this 65 year old man...who, by the way, is Sir Arthur Cunningsford, CBE, 11th in line for the throne and 3 time victor of the Newcastle Pie Festival Pie Eating Contest.  He is extremely important so don't fuck it up," I'd at least for a moment say "yeah, I've got this.  I can do it."

Now like any good Lutheran I understand that is a fool hardy thing to suck upon the alluring but sour teats of Our Lady Hubris, and I know my comeuppance is probably right around the corner, but right now I feel pretty good.

Second -- I don't know, I mean, how hard can it be?

I mean, this guy can do it.  How hard can it be?

Sure, being a radio or TV personality takes an innate talent that you probably either have or you don't.  But assuming I have that, what is sports talk really?  As far as I can tell, its just a bunch of guys (and a few women) using a sea of facts and stats and their past experience to try to make sense out of the reality that is playing out before them on the field, or on the court, or in the arena.

That's pretty much what you and I do everyday with regards to everything else, only we don't have to scream them out over the objections of a rather agitated Michael Wilbon.

In the end, I think its a series of just well-informed opinions. Give me three years to study up and watch as much sports as I can, give me some time to work out in the gym so that I could be TV ready (or just put me on radio and be done with it), and I think we can do this thing.

So yes, I think I could do it.  I think a great many people have the mental acuity to do it as well.

But I don't think I really want to do it.  I mean, I'd have to start tweeting and I'd have to travel all over the place and I'd have to eat at Permanti Brothers when I went to Pittsburgh because that's what you have to do when you go to Pittsburgh with any sports talk franchise.  And I would probably die from it.

Oh, and I am sure I'd have this caller, Rick "The Wing King" Jackson, who would call me every week and talk about how the road to the Super Bowl goes through Denver and Jason Campbell is going to take the Browns down that road to sweet sweet victory.  And I'd have to try to prove to him every week why that can never happen, even though at the end of the day I'd have to concede that mathematically it was still possible.

Strange, that we should use one of the most objective expressions of our reality to come to an agreement on something as inherently meaningless and chaoticc as the success of a football team.  But as I have said before that's the kind of thing that all of us do everyday.

Eh.  It's fun.  Anyways, I suppose I won't be on SVP and Russilo anytime soon.  Too bad America. But sometimes you get the sports commentator you need, not the one you deserve.  Wait a minute....reverse that?  I don't know.  It's complicated.