Mexican PTI

So today my family and I went to a Mexican restaurant and we happened to see the Latino version of Pardon The Interruption, the sports show on ESPN where Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser points of view concerning the views of the day on sports and -- yes -- frequently interrupt each other.  I will give it to them, the Latino versions of Messrs Kornheiser and Wilbon seemed much more polite.

One of the features of PTI is the Rundown, where you see what is going to be the next topic of discussion and...well, there is no point in trying to explain it where I can just show it to you.  But then does that mean I am a poor writer if I can't describe it?  Probably.

So yeah, there is the rundown.  

Anyway, there you have it.  The rundown became so popular there is now a version of it on Sportscenter proper, so you can see when they are going to talk about the Cleveland Browns; this gives the viewer a clear indication of when they can take a break from Sportscenter to go grab a snack, maybe take out the trash, practice irregular German verbs.  It really gives you a better way to juggle that hectic schedule of yours.

What was on the run down for today's Latino PTI?  I can't speak Spanish very well, but it looked like:

• The Mexican Team!  Why are they are in third place in world cup qualifying? 
• El Tri (i.e. the Mexican National Team)!  Why have they only scored three goals during world cup qualifying in 6 games?  What is wrong with El Chicharito?  Why can he not score the goals?  If El Tri cannot score the goals, then it will be hard for them to win the world cup.
• Tricolor (i.e. The Mexican National Team again)!  Isn't it great though, that in 6 matches they have only let in 2 goals? No one in the CONCACAF group has such a stingy defense.
• Mexico (you guessed it) - The next time Mexico scores a goal, I'll bet I can go GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL for a good 30 seconds before I black out due to lack of oxygen to the brain.
• Spanish National Team!  They beat Tahiti by 10 goals to nil.  If the Mexican National Team played against Tahiti, how many goals would they score?  I reckon maybe 6.
• Oh, and The Miami Heat are going to be playing game seven for....something.  

Seriously.  It really was, and my wife can vouch for me on this.  The whole show was about the Mexican National Team, except for the last two bullets.  And I guess if I was a Mexico fan I too would be worried.  While they are currently in third place, and thus currently hold a qualifying position, they only have 8 points and Honduras (which have some good talent) and Panama are not far behind with  6 and 7 points respectively.  

Oh, and in case you are wondering, the USA is actually at the top of the group with 13 points and a 4-1-1 record.  They are in excellent position to qualify for next summer's World Cup.  I know you were all worried about it - rest at east, dear friends.  Rest at ease.

Oh, and as to game 7 of "The Finals"?  I really want the Heat to win.  Last year I was pulling for them because I thought that if Lebron James finally got a ring we would all stop talking about him - sadly that didn't work, so I am hoping maybe if he gets a second in a row THAT will shut everyone up.  But it probably won't.  Lebron James will remain the most critizied player in the NBA, and maybe in all sports generally.   

Still, like the fans of El Tri dream of goals and glory, I too can dream of a world in which I can finally turn on Mike and Mike in the morning and listen to them not talk about Lebron James but rather something that really matters - the Mexican National Team, and why they can't seem to find the back of the net.  

Let's Go Hokie Nation! TIME TO GET PUMPED!!!

Okay okay okay.  I am predicting that Frank Beamer and his Fighting Gobblers are going to put the hurt on the Crimson Tide come August 31 in the ATL.  How, you may ask?  Genius play calling and iron will. They'll run it and then run it and then run it again and -- oh sweet Mary and Joseph -- they'll pass it!  Oh man!  I wasn't expecting that at all.  I mean, just when you think they are going to run it again, they pass it!

And then just when they are on the ropes due to our cunning play calls Frank Beamer will give 'em the old razzle dazzle and then it'll be TOUCHDOWN TECH!  All day!  All motherfucking day!

Hmmm?  What's the old razzle dazzle, you say?  I'll let these guys explain it.

Watching this, I am amazed at how much the game has changed and yet how much it stays the same.  Sure, players these days wear face masks and their uniforms are better.  But then for similarities note the tiny college and the huge, megolithic stadium; the fact that the students at Taxidermy Tech had to move their cars out of the commuter lot so that the alumni could park there and roast legs of mutton and drink flagons of beer;  the overriding concern for the athlete's health;  the god-like demeanor of the coaches;  the fact that you practically need a law degree to decipher football's many, many, many rules -- to the point that last year I noticed Fox actually had a pundit standing by to break down the rules when something like the field goal shown in the clip happens and no one knows what to do.

Which brings up an important question:  what would happen if that happened?  Luckily it probably won't because one thing that has changed is that we don't allow the referees to carry firearms, much less use live ammunition.  Though I am sure there are those in our society that think we should...

The other thing I notice that really has changed is the fact that the coach wouldn't be allowed to smoke on the sidelines, or in the locker room, or on school grounds, or on the street, or in his home (his wife won't let him).  No, he'd end up shivering on the deck of his considerable, his cigar quivering between his lips in the cold dark of night.

*Sigh*  We've come a long way, America.  Not that's that's necessarily a bad thing - our collective moral compass is much better honed than it used to be with regards to equality and justice for all peoples, even if our individual moral compasses are spinning around in a miasma of nihilistic relativism.  We have made some incredible gains in the last 100 years.

At the same time, I have a hard time imagining what this guy would say if, after strolling into a time warp and walking into a local McDonald's, some pimply kid told him that he can't smoke in the restaurant and that he couldn't have as much orange soda as he wants: thanks to our latest offensive in the Battle of the Bulge soda consumption is capped at 24 oz. because "McDonald's cares".

I doubt he'd be particularly pleased.  On the other hand, he'd probably be pretty happy with how much we have advanced with regards to cheerleader costumes, so I reckon in his mind it would be a wash.  

Huh.  Maybe we haven't come as far as I thought we have after all.

Jose Mourinho is back!

He's back!

Hark!  Do ye smell something?

The smell of glories past?

The smell of Chelsea Leatherfood

And meat filled pies, and grass?

Do you fear those days are gone dear friend?

Take heart, they are returning!

The Portugese Napoleon for Chelsea shall contend!   

So raise a glass, raise a glass,

And Manchester United can kiss my ass

For all along the terraces the faithful all shall sing!

Jose Mourinho!  Jose Mourniho!  Long Live the King!

Photo Credit:  The image was photoshopped at my request by Rockinsticks. She has much more photo skills than I do, though I have wanted to see something like this for oh I don’t know how long.