Saturday, May 4, 2013

Star Wars Day Post!

There are many things I don't like about Episodes I and II of the Star Wars franchise (Episodes IV - VI being the classics from the 70's and 80's and Episode III being all in all not that bad).  I found that the CGI Yoda of the modern era lacked the charm...in some way the realism...of the puppet vintage.  I thought the acting in Episode II was pretty poor.  Of course there is also Jar Jar Binks, for which no explanation is necessary and for which there could be no excuse. One of the few moments of wisdom shown by George Lucas in recent times was Jar Jar's marginalization in Episode II.

Bad as all that may be, I have always found that the most disappointing thing about the newer Star Wars movies was the revelation that all the Imperial Storm Troopers are just clones of Boba Fett's dad.

I just feel like making them all clones took some of the romance and complexity out of the Star Wars saga.  When I was a kid, one of my favorite scenes in the first Star Wars movie (Episode IV, A New Hope) is when Obi Wan Kenobi goes to disable to the tractor beam in the Death Star and there are two storm troopers hanging around talking to each other.  I can't remember the conversation exactly, and I am not going to bother firing up the Star Wars DVD to try and figure it out, but I remember it went something like this.

Stormtrooper 1:  Hey Frank.

Stormtrooper 2:  Hey Mac.  What's up?  

ST1:  There is an awful lot of activity going on today.

ST2:  Yeah.  I think there is a drill or something going on.  

ST1:  I'll buy that.  Hey, have you seen the new T-37?  It's pretty sweet.

ST2:  Some of the other guys were talking about it.  Smitty told me they had one down at the range and he was actually able to hit the target with it.    

ST1:  Smitty?  Really?

ST2:  Yep.  

ST1:  I don't beleive it.  Smitty couldn't hit a wookie if it was 5 feet away from him.  

ST2:  Hell, I couldn't hit a wookie if it was 5 feet away from me.  Not with this stupid T-33.  I mean, you remember last week when we had training drill situation bravo-6?

ST1:  You mean the one where the Princess gets rescued by a country bumpkin and a smuggler with nothing left to lose?

ST2:  Yeah.  Well, during the drill they took a frozen space ham from the dining hall and tied it to a rope in sector G7.  Swung it out over that giant chasm that people keep falling into.  We all shot about 100 times at it and none of us could hit it.  Not by a mile.  It was really embarassing.  Fucking sequestration man.  We'd probably all have T-36's by now if those senators from the Norquist system would just get a life.  Then we might be actually able to shoot stuff again.  We look like a bunch of fucking idiots!  Pride of the Empire my aching ass!  

ST1:  Shit.  Well, that kind of reminds me that I am thinking about transferring to Endor.  Did you know if you go there they give you a T-36?

ST2:  Not a bad blaster.  But dude, I don't know if you want to go there.  There are no women there, and those little teddy bear things will fuck you up serious. I hear they'll cut of your head and make a xylophone out of it.

ST1:  Pfffft.  Please.  The day one of our crack legions loses to a bunch of illiterate teddy bears will be the day that this invincible battle station is destroyed by a bunch of rebel snub fighters exploiting some kind of design flaw.    

ST2:  Yeah, it doesn't seem possible.  Still....those little furry buggers can fight.  You're going to need that T-36.    

ST1:  Well, I have a couple more days to make up my mind.  Either way, I feel like I just got to ask that coffee shop girl out.

ST2:  The one with the blonde hair and the huge...hey, what was that?

ST1:  Probably just another drill.

ST2:  Eh.  Figures.   

The exchange is extraordinarily human, and it makes the series less a clear-cut meditation on good and evil.  Are these two men bad?  Did they join the storm troopers because they are evil individuals?  No.  They probably joined up because they're grades weren't high enough to get in the academy and they felt this incredible need to do something with their lives.  Here comes this slick recruiter one day, passing out brochures that promise an exciting career full of adventure and intergalactic travel, and  guess what else:  the ladies dig the uniform.  The battle armor just makes them go wild.  Did we mention there is a sign on bonus?

Are these two men the agents of an evil empire?  Or are they just two guys who got caught up in a war that is simply bigger than themselves, that maybe they don't even necessarily care about?

Making the stormtroopers clones takes away that complexity.  They become nothing more than tools, instruments of the emperor's evil designs to build an intergalactic Tea and Crumpit monopoly.   I hate that.

Though I will say one thing:  the fact that these guys are all clones does explain the lack of quality that the stormtroopers seem to show.  In three movies, they win one battle?  Maybe two?  They take over a ship in the beginning of Episode IV and then they take the base at Hoth (in a way that is a failure because the Rebels actually escaped!), but then are beaten at Endor by a bunch of teddy bears with sticks and rocks.  Perhaps the lack of quality is explained that by Episode VI these cloned stormtroopers are but copies of copies of copies, and you know what happens when you do that....


No comments:

Post a Comment