Trail Day!

I regret that I was unable to make a post on December 10. I am in the middle of preparing for a final exam for school (Masters Degree program in Naval Arch. from VT, if you are curious), and with a job and a family and Christmas looming in the distance and all the preperations THAT entails, there just wasn't enough time to sit down and write.

I regret it though, becuase December 10th is a day that I hold close to the heart, right up there with my anniversary, my wife's birhtday (which I better not forget) and my daughter's birthday (which I could never forget).

It is an important day for me becuase December 10, 2005, was the day that I finished the Appalachian Trail. It was the end of of a 2,170 mile journey that began at Mount Kathadin, Maine, on July 1 of that same year. It is a journey that I can sum up in one word: Incredible.

And of course, one word is not enough to describe it. Before I left my Grandmother asked me if I was going to write a book about my upcoming hike during a farewell lunch at Red Lobster (her choice, not mine...though cheddar biscuits can also be described with one word: scrumdidillyumptious). And I told her no, becuase it is something that has been done many times. I used the example of Bill Bryson's "Walk in the Woods", though I am not sure Bryson spent enough time out in the woods to really capture the essance of making a thru-hike.

Then when I was done with the trail I thought that maybe I could write a book about it, but the words simply would never come.

For the longest time, it seemed there was nothing really to talk about. The trail is generally thought of as a life changing experience - and for many it is. There are books (see, it has been done before) about people who have gone on the trail and have their entire perspective altered. They go out and see God in the nature around them and they go home and become ministers. Or they become so in love with the journey that the only way for them to deal with it is to keep going, and they end up hiking the trail 3, 4, 5 times, to the point where they understand every rock and stream as one undesrstands an old and intimate friend.

Me? Not so much. If any changes happened, they were small; the trajectory of my life remained essentially unaletered. And that is an aspect of my hike that I found frustrating at times. God never decscended to meet me on the mountain top so that he and I could play chess (though I hear he much prefers Battleship) - though I will toss a bone to my spiritually inclined friends and say that I did feel often a profound sense of grace and thankfulness (though not in a mushy "I love you Jesus baby" kind of way...more on this in a later post).

I also thought maybe I would "find myself" or achieve oneness with nature. As far as being one with nature is concerned, nothing could be farther from the truth. I often felt very much ill at ease with Mother Nature, like I was a guest in her home who had overstayed his welcome. Her house is beautiful, don't get me wrong, but I found myself tiptoeing quietly through it trying very hard not to break anything. My relationship to nature was reverent and intensely respectful, but I felt we were always at odds.

As far as finding myself, I don't know who I was supposed to find. I realized late on that the entire hike had been a reflection of who I was. It was meticulously planned, tenaciously (if somewhat patiently) pursued, tightly organized. But I was also incredibly flexible in changing plans and shifting intermediate goals, and I did take time to enjoy my surroundings. People told me that I should be a little more free spirited. That I should fold up the map and linger a little longer in town or on the trail. And sometimes I think I should have, sometimes I wonder if I should have had more fun. But it's something I simply couldn't do; something I have never been able to do. I hiked with every fiber of being of my being, giving it everything I had until the end, just hanging on -- becuase believe me, as awesome as it was, it was very difficult many, many times.

I threw myself back into the business of living life when I returned - got a job, got married to my at that time girlfriend (who was finishing her junior year of college while I was away), had a family. All of these are great things, but by doing so I am not so sure I got the chance to process the hike.

Well, after 5 years of thinking about it, I think I have something to say at last, and this Blog seems like a good platform to do it in. I don't know if what I have is worthy of a book -- but maybe if this goes well I can gather my thoughts into some sort of body of work.

But that really isn't the point. Since I have gotten off the trail one thing has changed - there is this incredible desire to talk about the trip to anyone who will listen. Maybe its a way of reliving a wonderful 5 and half months; maybe its a way to keep those memories alive. My friends and my wife are tired of hearing about it, so guess what?

You're next.