Debate Minute by Minute, at Least for the First One Hundred Forty Seven.

Happy Roberto Clemente Day everybody!  What better way to spend it than by watching a bunch of right wing blowhards talk about how they are going to keep people out of our great nation.

So here we are, the candidates are being lead to the stage.  Jeb Bush, Trump, the only men opting for not red ties; Carly Fiorina in a rather electric blue suit.

They take their places at the Podium, CNN is predicting (hoping for) a rather fiery debate.  All eyes are on Donald Trump, can he do anything to increase his lead or will the other candidates on the stage attack and try to bring him down?

Meanwhile the Pirates actually ARE playing at home on Roberto Clemente Day against the Cubs, in a game with playoff implications.  It looks very exciting!  If you want to watch that, then by all means be my guest...I am rather torn myself.

Photo ops.  Shake hands, all smiles now.  The second tier candidates have left the stage and the front runners are at the podium and here we go!  Jake Tapper explains the rules.  Nice hair Jake.  Nice hair.

ANYTHING could happen, he says.  Anything!  Or nothing.  My money is on the latter.

Opening Statements.  Ron Paul is short and succinct.  Huckabee says that anyone on the stage is better than any of the democrats.  The A Team!  Mr. T!  I pity the Fool!  Ah.....Mr. Trump is Mr. T.  I get it.  Very clever.  Rubio stumbles....makes a joke about water that gets no laughs....Cruz looks kind of a sad clown that has just ejaculated, and I get the feeling maybe he's been enjoying too much chicken on the road....Carson still looks to me not so presidential, and I am mystified as to why he is rising out of the pack in second...Trump on the other hand looks like a Grouper fish with bad hair.....Bush is wearing a very nice suit....Scott Walker would fit in well in some old gangster land movie, either as the gangster or the cop who stop at nothing to catch him....Fiorina does not say her name but rather points to her rags to riches story, which I think is not as common as we would all like to believe....Kasich tries to channel Regan.....and Christie asks the audience some pressing questions, rather cleverly turning the tables where HE is supposed to answer questions, not the audience.  Clever lad.

Opening question to Fiorina about Donald Trump, inviting her to attack.  Will she rise to the bait??  She deftly kind of side steps the question but Tapper presses forward, now invites Trump to defend himself, who immediately shits all over Rand Paul and talks about how awesome he is at everything he has ever done.  Rand Paul says he is sophomoric, which is a pretty low blow (though I think actually probably the smartest thing he has ever said).  Trump counters with a sucker punch to the groin.

Can Trump be commander in chief?  He's been good at everything else he's ever done, so why not?  Sure.

I hold my head in my hand.  Very tired talking about Trump.

How is the baseball game going??  Still tied 0-0, bottom of the 5th, Pirates have a man on.  Let's take a deep breath and return to the shit storm...

I think Walker and Bush have made an agreement to attack Trump.  Trump has little grace under pressure and just bristles at the notion that he many not be who he says he is.  All the candidates actually look infuriated.  I think there will be lots of fire works, but I don't think we are going to get a lot of substance here. Kasich seems to tap into that, and wants to make the point that he'd probably rather watch the baseball game himself.

So now we are going to talk about politicians and their shifting view.  Christie tells a nice joke and proceeds to talk about his record.  I get up to feed the cat.

Tapper is not doing a great controlling the debate, but maybe that's his intention.  He's like a soccer ref, letting the game flow, reluctant to show any cards just yet.

So now more talking about Trump, and how he is independently wealthy.  Is Jeb Bush a puppet, beholden to his donors?  No.  But is he a real boy?  Not sure about that either.

There are a number of candidates who I think have actually yet to speak.  So far Cruz is maintaining a stoic silence, trying hard probably simply not to lose.  He's been too cozy to attack Trump and so perhaps he feels necessary at this point to wait, and bide his time, until we start talking about Iran.

Okay, let's talk about Russia, who recently started placing military equipment in Syria.  Can Trump get Russia out of Syria?  He would reach out to Putin and maybe try to solve some of these problems.  Becuase he is awesome.  Rubio would.....what, go to war?  With the Russians?  Or should we win the war in Syria to keep the Russians out?  Good luck with that...Fiorina would basically put us back on a Cold War footing.  The irony of this (and I hate to say this), is the best way to defeat ISIS probably is to prop up Assad...
Fiorina will not listen to Tapper.  Tapper shows a red card.

Now we talk about Iran, and the question goes to Cruz, predictably.  It is an issue of sovereignty.  Kasich's point about the fact we are out of touch with our allies is kind of odd, as many of our allies have been involved in brokering the deal.

CNN is asking each candidate questions couched in the form of statements by others to try to invite attack.  It's clear they are spoiling for a fight.  Meanwhile Paul actually gives a pretty rational answer to the whole foreign policy line of questioning.

Wow.  It's only 8:44.  I am not sure I can continue.  Huckabee is talking about Iran as enemy numero uno, so if you want to be in combat with Iran with six months vote for him..  I get the sense that Huckabee knows he cannot be the president, will not be the president, and is rather charging his colleges to do what is right in his own eyes.

So then why is he here?  Probably looking to sell another book.

Now Jake Tapper turns the questioning over to some guy on the Salem Radio Network, who sort of looks like Garrison Keillor's nephew.  So now this guy is saying that we should have gone to War in Syria, which probably would have gone really really well.  Have we really learned nothing from the last 14 years of war?
Paul seems again to have the most rational answer to this question, saying that use of force may have been unwise.  He's looking better here.  The others look like they are trying to show strength, but Paul is actually showing some smarts.

Tapper has lot control of the debate.  He's trying to throw a question to Dana Bash but the candidates will not let him.  He shouldn't have kept the cards in his pocket.  I think ESPN's around the horn does a better job of controlling debate.

So here we go, the gay marriage debate.  Huckabee rolls over all Tapper when he tries to shut him up and move things along.

Dana Bash asks a question about Planned Parenthood and is it worth shutting the government down (which Ted Cruz is threatening to do).  Blah blah blah, blah blah blah.

Blah?

Blah blah.

Now we turn to Cruz.  Is he going to shut down the government?  He clearly wants to.  Dana Bash is trying to get him off the soap box, but he will not relinquish.  CNN's team is having a tough time here,  a really tough time, keeping the lid on this debate.  But I can't say that I am surprised.

Man.  I can't stand Donald Trump.  I don't know if I could watch him be a President.  No one will stick to a question.  Everyone wants to jump off to other subjects.  It's the worst debate I have ever seen.  Tapper needs to put someone in a penalty box, but he's not strong enough.  He's just not strong enough.

Ah ha!  Now we get to the question about Fiorina's face.  Tapper inviting once again inviting Fiorina to attack, and she simply lays it all on Trump and says "look at what he said." with a very cold look in her eyes. This gets her the loudest applause of the night.  Trump rather sheepishly simply says that she is a beautiful woman, which gets scattered applause.

Commercial break.  Water and orange slices.

Ugh, but it wasn't long enough.  Not long enough.  We are back.  And we are going to talk about immigration.  Trump wants to build a wall, then deport the bad dudes.  Takes credit for making immigration an issue in this campaign.  His plan (or at least his discussion) does not get any appluase lines.  Which is very interesting.  Though it is not a very raucous crowd.  Rather sedate.

Dana Bash brings Jeb Bush's wife into this, which is again CNN trying to make this thing more than it is.  Jeb demands an apology.  On the spot.  But he won't.  Trump won't apologize.  Jeb actually is more optimistic about immigration, and wants to be more merciful.  Trump kicks Jeb in the shin with a swift mention of common core.  Should Jeb Bush speak Spanish  on the trail? Trump kind of says yes, we need to assimilate. The way he says "English" reminds me of someone who is trying to speak English too someone who cannot.  Rubio takes the reigns and starts talking about his parent's immigrants story, though defends the use of Spanish actually rather well.  Good for mister Bush, good for mister Rubio.  I think mister Trump is looking like a grumpy spoiled child.

Carson....he still, just seems a step behind everyone else.  He seems like a nice guy, but hardly Presidential.

But then, wow, do any of these people seem presidential?  Rubio maybe does.  Yeah, I think he kind of does.  I think on immigration here he's making the most sense.  He certainly looks the best, he certainly seems to have said the most common sense things.

Fiorinia proving to being very adept at shifting focus, not answering questions, and not listening to Jake Tapper's please to stop talking and get back on track.

Huff.  Now we are going to talk about birthright citizenship.  I think there is something rather beautiful about the fact that we allow this, but I also understand that it is a burden on the state.  Still, we are at our best when we are generous....

The Economy now.  Fiorina's record at HP is checkered, and it was rough, but she had a tough time there. Trump is really trashing her record at HP and Lucent.  So now it is a he said she said and Fiorina is striking back at Trump's records.  But it's also ludicrous to suggest that running a business is the same as running a country.  Christie refuses to be interrupted by Fiorina, and wants to bring it back to the middle class and such. I think that this debate would make a great Saturday Night Live sketch, everyone jumping all over each other.

Huckabee?  He sits quietly.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Eats a ham sandwich.  Reads a few Bible versus.  He looks bored.  So am I.

Baseball.  Cubs have a 2-1 lead in the bottom of the 8th.

Huckabee wants to tax consumption, which is hardly fair.  Carson will have us all Tithe, Trump says we should progressively tax (which I find is the one thing I am agreed with him on).  I think the flat tax is....not smart.  Carson is maybe going to do a flat tax, maybe do a consumption tax, he's not sure.  Not sure.  Great. Good.

You know what?  I am done with this particular minute by minute.  Life is simply too short to continue to engage in such stupidity.

And........Click.

Oh no, Pumpkin Spice Latte! Not this time!

I suddenly realized last year, as I drank my first Pumpkin Spice Latte of the fall, that I really don't like Pumpkin Spice Lattes.  I don't!

I don't!

But I thought I did.  I really thought I did.

I think a lot of it is associative.  Fall is my favorite season.  I find the cooler air a relief after a long Tidewater summer.  I like the waning days a little, the feeling that the days are being more properly ordered into night and day, but it's not like you are guaranteed to get to work in the darkness and leave in darkness - you still get to see the sun a little bit.  A little bit.

And there is a feeling of newness.  It's a new football season, it's a new EPL season, it's a new school year for the kids.  Life suddenly has structure again, there are things to graft meaning onto.

And here is the Pumpkin Spice Latte, virtually the first sign that summer is ending and fall is close around the corner, and I've always thought "wow, I really love Pumpkin Spice Lattes.  I think I will have one."  But it has it's problems, namely that the aftertaste reminds me of pledge and if you get any on your shirt it will stain it orange and whenever that happens I find myself asking:  what in the bloody hell is in this shit?

Why have I allowed myself to be deluded for so long?  I think it's because the drink is associated so closely with something I love.  As a case in point:  my boss loves, loves, loves the movie "One Crazy Summer".  Never heard of it?  I can't say I am surprised.  It stars a very young John Cusak and a very young Demi Moore and the John Cusak guy wants to be a cartoonist and some old guy wants to tear down some old lady's house and put up a seafood restaurant but the teenage kids give him what for save the day.  I've seen it.  I didn't think it was very good.  In fact, I thought it was awful.

But he LOVES it.  And I don't think it's because it's a good movie, but I think maybe instead it's because it came out in 1986 and something awesome must have happened to him that year.  Maybe he met his wife or something like that.  It's a good year, he associates it with the movie, and so he thinks it's really quite good.

It's the only possible explanation for why he could love such a terrible movie.

So, my love of Pumpkin Spice Late, or at least what I thought was love, is really just associated with the fall. It's the only explanation of why I could love something so terrible.

Not this year though.  Not this year.  I'll stick to the tall Pike's Place, and find another way to enjoy the fall. Maybe get a nipple pierced or something like that.  

 

...And it was Kinda Beautiful.

So I just watched the first episode of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert and, before I read anyone else's reaction to it I just wanted to put my thoughts on paper...or computer....or whatever it is.  The Ether.

It wasn't what I thought it would be.

Sure, it was funny.  And yes, it was smart.  But I never really imagined that it would be kind of beautiful, particularly the last few minutes.

The beginning of the show was good, the obligatory monologue was good, and the opening gambits behind the desk were funny and reminiscent of the old Colbert Report.  I've gathered that most of his old staff is with him and you can see the style, even if they are writing for someone who is no longer playing a "narcissistic conservative pundit", in Colbert's words.

George Clooney's time on the stage was awkward, but I think honestly that that is what they were going for. It didn't really work for me, but nothing is perfect.

But in the interview with Jeb Bush, in a few video clips with rival Jimmy Fallon, and in a musical number with John Batiste's band ("Different Strokes" with a number of musical guests including Mava Staples, Ben Folds, and Colbert himself) Colbert struck a chord of unity.  He wasn't too hard on Jeb Bush, he asked him a few good questions, but he didn't lampoon him as his past character may have done and he even said "there is a non-zero chance I will actually vote for you", recognizing difference but a willingness to listen.  Of course, non-zero numbers include negative numbers, but Stephen Colbert isn't a math major so I am not sure he remembers that from way back.  One of the last images of the show was the band and guests singing "We gotta live together" over and over and over again.

It was almost like after spending 9 years being part of the media machine that has so divided the country, Stephen Colbert tried yesterday to make amends and set a different tone with this new show.  And it was, well, kinda beautiful.

Now the real work begins.  Let's see if he and his team can keep it up.  I have a feeling that they can make it last as long as they care to.

   

Stephen Colbert Rides in On His White Horse and.....

Tomorrow begins a new era in late night when Stephen Colbert hosts "The Late Show" on CBS.  I have been looking forward to it for months, and thanks to recent profiles in The New York Times and GQ my hopes are sky high; So high that I am actually worried that maybe they are pitched a little to close to the sun, and fiery disappointment is inevitable.

Huh.  There was actually a picture of Stephen Colbert riding a horse online.  Huh.

At the best I'm hoping for something sublime....and as I write this I realize that I will probably not get  it.  But I am hoping that maybe Colbert can find a sweet spot between smart and funny that is really hard to find.

It's not simply a matter of Jon Stewart having exited stage right (Though I actually felt that as he got closer to calling it quits his snark often got the better of him).  Consider the other options:  John Oliver does ever so well but a weekly show leaves him in short supply and I don't get HBO in anycase; Men in Blazers are great but very niche; Jimmy Fallon is very funny and fun and his interviews are very personable, but they lack substance to me, and you can only watch Danny DiVito play flip cup so many times.  That leavse Jimmy Kimmel....well, you know, I've never really watched Kimmel, but I remember "The Man Show" and I've always assumed his late night show is the same without the girls on trampolines or that guy who played piano who could just down a whole beer down his gullet.  Those were the two reasons to watch the show, as far as 14 year old Nick Marickovich was concerned,  and so I haven't bothered.  No one talks about Kimmel so I am also assuming I'm not missing too much...

So here comes Stephen Colbert, free to be himself at last, a person who seems capable of being humorous and deep by turns, capable of speaking to both politicians and musicians, capable of capturing the zeitgeist of our days...

Na na na....There I go again.  Reel it back in.  Maybe part of my hope is that I feel no one is more prepared to open the show than Mr. Colbert could be.  For many months he and a large staff have been writing, filming, revamping sets, doing all those things that a show must do to be a success.  Add to that the years that Colbert has been working, from touring around the country in a smelly van with Second City to taking "The Colbert Report" to the troops in Iraq, and you have a man with immense experience that has lead to this moment, where at last maybe we will all see who this man actually his.

Hopefully it is going to be great.  Give you joy of your success, Mr. Colbert!  I'll be watching, maybe, if I can stay awake that long.

At they very least, I'll DVR it and watch it the next day.  If I remember.