In Which Ted Cruz Runs for President and I get a Twitter Account

So I heard this afternoon that Ted Cruz officially declared that he was running for President today at a speech at Liberty University.  I find it kind of odd that a man made it known he wanted to become the leader of the free world to a crowd of people required to be at a thrice weekly convocation---

But no.  No no no.  It won't do to sling barbs and arrows at Ted Cruz or those things that are associated with him. There is such a long way to go before now and the elections, I just couldn't possibly start to even begin to think about the long, long road that is before us.

And so I started to think about the end, and the end of Ted Cruz's road, where he is giving the speech where he drops out of the race about a year from now, and people are yelling "NO!" and "We love you Ted Cruz!" and I am rubbing my hands with shameful joy.

For some reason, as I thought of this moment, I thought it might be fun to keep a diary of the Ted Cruz Mystery Tour, to just kind of keep track of where he is day by day, see how many miles he logs, see what little real American towns he goes to, see how many corn dogs he eats.

It's an exciting exercise to me, because I actually enjoy thinking about just the epic struggle that running for the Presidency is.  It's fascinating.  All the travel, the hotels, the bland chicken in cold conference centers.

And good God man, the temptation!  I mean, you can't drink whiskey because you'd be seen to be intemperate, and if you can drink beer (provided it doesn't clash with your squeaky clean image) you can't drink the good beer from Germany because people will only vote for a Bud Light kind of guy.  But you are a Doffelschlanger kind of guy, brewed in Bergen-Op-Zoom by buxom European Ladies and yeah, they don't shave their pits and they don't really bathe as often as they maybe should but that is honestly kind of a turn on for you.  But you can't tell anyone that.  Okay, you told your campaign manager and he said "SHHHHH! you dumb son of a bitch stop talking!  You like Bud Light!  You like cleanly shaven armpits that smell like soap!  You like Corn Dogs and Football!  You don't spend Saturday riveted by Bourssia Monchengladbach fighting their way to a nil nil draw against Bayern Leverkusen!  You spend it watching American football and praying to Jesus to ask Him help you figure out what the hell you are going to pray about the next day in Church! That is what you do!  That is who you are!"  

It's clear that to lead the free world, you must kill the self in an epic, year long quest.  And I find it fascinating. And just once I really want to follow along with someone on their epic, Quixotic, hopeless quest.

All this effort is all for naught, at least for Cruz, because in the end the road leads to a ball room crammed with people saying "NO!" as he talks about how important it is to reunite the party after his crushing defeat in....South Carolina. Yeah.

The idea really took hold of  me, and it wouldn't let go.  So I decided to do it.  And what better way to keep track of Mr. Cruz than to follow him on Twitter?

So I got me a Twitter account, for the first time (follow me @wasso2005).    Ted Cruz was the second person I followed (after Jimmy Fallon but before my wife), so hopefully I can stay pretty up to date on his whereabouts.

I will be checking in on Cruz daily, and keeping a brief log of his events.  Every now and then I will let you know how he is doing.   My honest hope is that he doesn't do too well....The running price for my vote is a dozen fresh Krispy Kremes, but I think in his case I would have to up that price significantly to....two dozen fresh Krispy Kremes.