Rapture Ready?

So apparently this weekend the world is going to end.  Well, actually, according to these guys the Rapture occurs on May 21st.  I think the actual END of the world is sometime in October?  Should be a great Halloween. 

For those of you not clued in, the Rapture is when all true Christian believers will be taken up into Heaven before the rest of us suffer in the End of Days (in which most of us will die horrible, horrible deaths).  I mean, you will just be sitting there on the bus, and then suddenly the girl next to you will just vanish! Thank God it wasn't the driver, right?

Because of my recent Lenten Adventure I don't think I will be caught up in the Rapture, I am sorry to say.  So I am getting ready for the horrible time that is to follow.  I got a flashlight, some extra batteries, a little first aid kit, some books, and many, many boxes of Little Debbie cakes. 

Oh, and please remind me that I should laundry on Friday night.  I don't think the laundromats will be open, what with all the fire and brimstone and blood in the streets.  Kind of like a really bad snow storm, only a little more so, you know?

Of course, its times like these, when certain death is staring one in the face, that lend itself to quiet reflection (provided you are not engaged in stealing all the vodka and ice cream you can).  Me, I have been thinking about my beliefs, my "Creed", if you will.  I mean, when you get right down to it, if there were no priests or parents or spouses or children or anyone else around, just you and me, and you said "What do you believe in the very core of your soul, with near certainty", what would I say?  Here is what I got:

1.  There is a God.  Probably just one.  More would be way easier.
 
2.  There was this dude named Jesus.

3.  Jesus is the window through which we can see God for who God is. 

4.  Jesus was crucified, rose from the dead, and this is important.  What does it mean exactly?  Good question (note, this disqualifies me for Rapture).  I am working on it.
 
5.  The Holy Ghost?  The Trinity is hard.  I'll buy in. 

6.  On Morals:  The basics.  Don't kill people.  Don't steal.  Be honest.  Don't cheat on your spouse.  Inward reflection on one's true feelings is important.  The finer points (when/with whom can you have sex?  When are women too old to wear miniskirts?  Can men wear miniskirts?  What about kilts?  Can I crack open a beer at 11:59 AM on a Sunday IF the game is about to start?) are up for debate.

7.  Don't see why Darwin and Genesis can't be both be right in their own way.

8.  On Hell:  want to say that it exists, but it's not what imagine it to be.  Who goes?  I don't know.  As to Salvation, I believe that everyone who seeks will eventually find what they are looking for in the next life (IF there is a next life...damn, see how hard this is!) .  After all, I may be wrong.  It's good to hedge ones bets.

9.  The Chateau Frontenac in Quebec City serves the best creme brulee you have ever had.  Once you eat it here, you may well never eat it again. 

10.  Soccer is the greatest sport on God's great Earth.

11.  Sarah Jarosz might just achieve what Steve Martin almost did and finally get me into bluegrass music. 

12.  I believe that on the 22nd of May we will still be here. 

That's about it.  Not too bad for a Lutheran. 

My advice to you as the Rapture comes: Drink Hearty, Ye Heathens!  But no orgies, because you will probably live to regret it.  Or maybe you won't.