I am Feelng....Kind of Impressed.

We may as well get used to it.

Hi America!

Or should I say....Heil Amerika?

I know, I know.  It's not fair to compare Hitler to Donald Trump.  I mean, for one, Hitler was a way better public speaker.  Mesmerizing, so I'm told.

Second, he was a much better painter.  One room? One afternoon?  Two coats?  Extraordinary!

I've had a couple days to accept the fact that Trump is President Elect.  The day after the election I was despondent.  When I think of all the issues I care about - climate change, a thoughtful foreign policy, honoring our international commitments, equality, common sense gun policy, plain and simple compassion -  Trump doesn't really fit my vision of what I want in a President.  When I think of the Trump we've gotten to know over the past 16 months - Trump the boor, Trump the ignorant, Trump the Twitter Troll - he doesn't fit my vision of what a President should be.  But apparently there are about 60 million people who beg to differ.

So here we are, two days later, and the US hasn't sunk into the sea (yet).  Much like Ron Burgundy felt when he realized that his dog Baxter had eaten a whole wheel of cheese, I find that I am not really mad; I'm actually kind of impressed.  

Come on People!

Look: Hillary Clinton had almost every newspaper backing her.  She had Obama, who is still pretty popular for a second term president, campaigning for her relentlessly, staking his legacy on her election.  She had Obama's eloquent wife Michelle stumping for her.  She had Bill stalking around the country, explaining away on the virtues of veganism, elder statesman extraordinaire.  She had the folksy Tim Kaine and his crazy as shit eyebrows.  She had Beyonce, Jay Z, Lebron James, and Katy Perry all in her corner.  KATY PERRY for Chrisssakes!  Katy.  Perry.

Who did Donald Trump have?  Just himself, his own self belief and over inflated ego.  And a bunch of angry, angry people, and a few people who wanted to make sure the Republicans put a stamp on the future of the Supreme Court.  Yeah, okay, he had John Voight.  I'll take Katy Perry any day.

But Trump won.  Despite all that, despite all the chips against him, despite the fact that he stood alone against the Machine, he won!  It's an incredible, stunning political feat.  A Dewey Defeats Truman of the Digital Age, as the New York Times put it.

And hey, you know, so far so good.  Trump is saying all the right things, trying to be a unifier not a divider, pointing upwards to a thousand points of light that are shining down on our city on a hill.  Rather amazing, considering that only a few short weeks ago we were all apparently in a living hell, running down the streets doing zig zags to avoid ISIS snipers and gang land cross fires while roving Government zombie death squads decided who lived and died at the behest of a corrupt political class that was hell bent on taking our guns away while Mexicans put their taco trucks on every corner and after a lunch of Tortillas and beans set out to take our jobs away, sell drugs to our kids, and rape our women.

Perhaps at last we see the fabled Trump Pivot after all this time?  Or maybe he was just saying those things to stoke up the base and get elected, power the end in itself, just as two faced as the stinking swamp of corruption he is intent on draining.  Or maybe this is just a part of pageantry of power, of the peaceful transition from one administration to the next, as the Democrats live up to their vows to hold that sacrosanct above all other things and Trump exudes the easy magnanimity of victory, saving his vitriol and sweeping agenda for another day.

We haven't sunk into the sea (yet).  But when I consider Trump getting his first classified intelligence briefings, how he's likely to pull us out of the Paris Climate agreements, and the people surrounding him, the Rudy Giulianies and the Newts who are likely to play key roles in the Trump administration, I feel my knees buckle a little bit.  And I haven't forgotten about the alt right.  It's amazing that on Inauguration Day our first African American President will pass off the baton to one of his most relentless attackers, who made a name for himself pandering to the conspiracy theorists about his origins and allegiances,  and who won the endorsement of the KKK.  Disavowed, of course, but still won.

Of course, we've all been promised that we will be winning so much now that we are going to be tired of winning.  Go to, Donald Trump. For the sake of our country I wish you the greatest success.  I for one am trying to keep an open mind and give you your hard won chance to lead our Nation.  But remember that in four years, if you're still up for it, We the People will get the chance to either re-elect you or send you packing.  You're going to have a little performance review, and at the end you may just get to hear those words you made immortal and probably slapped with a trademark:  You're Fired.

Good luck building that wall.  See you next election cycle.  

Clinton v. Trump III: Slugfest in Sin City

Well, here we are again.  Clinton, Trump, national stage.  Clinton needs to look Presidential.  Trump, on the other hand needs to:

Or maybe not.  He may want to keep it tamped down.  But we'll see.

Clinton going with the white pant suit.  I was thinking she might.

It feels like we are actually going to have a substantive debate here....which is incredible.  It feels....boring here, 12 minutes in.  Which is so strange.  I guess that means I am one of those horrible people who has come to conflate politics with entertainment.  Shame on me.

Guns.  Hillary and Trump support the 2nd amendment.  Trump will give us all a free gun if he gets elected, with a free cowboy hat.

Abortion.  Trump sort of tries to play the politician by not answering the question about overturning Roe v. Wade directly.  He gives all the ick of being against abortion without any of the faith - why does he actually believe what he believes here?  What is behind the ethics?  Or is he just saying stuff to get elected?  Clinton makes a very, very, thoughtful defense of Roe v. Wade.  I am amazed that we are still having this discussion, after so many, many years.

Immigration.  Trump says disaster for the first time (1).  He manages again, to blame Clinton and Obama for all America's ills.  Ah!  The wall!  We are going to build a wall, stop the drugs, get the hombres out.  Trump goes for the water as Clinton answers.  I wonder how well he has hydrated.  Clinton is painting a very, very, bleak picture of Trump's policy.  How hard it would be, how bad it would be.  It's like Nazi Germany man.  She's winning here, I think, on Trump's number one issue.  "He Choked" she says.  He is not a politician.  I am, the person with the ovaries.  Vote for me.  Trump:  NAFTA is a disaster (2).  Trump also has rolled out a new term -- "Big League".  What the heck is that.  Disaster two more times (4).  And if Obama has deported so many people, why should we vote for Trump?

Now Clinton gets hit up with the Wikileaks open boarders thing.  She schluffs it off as an energy thing, and has tried to pin it on the Russia, Trump connection.  I honestly don't care much about the Wikileaks stuff - Clinton is a politician, I'm not surprised at what she has said in these emails or what her people have done.  Heaven forbid that a politician should actually be a politician.  But it plays badly for her.  It will be interesting to see if Trump brings this up.

Putin:  Trump is sort of talking shit about Russia.  Russia has played a bad hand well - I would love to see Trump do any better.  Trump goes for the water again.  He really should have had more water last night. Clinton has not had any water that I can see.

Puppets, all.

Economics (jobs!  They took our jobs!):  While I support the left, mostly, in economic terms, to a point, I am not sure that the president really has much impact on jobs and the economy. I don't agree with the minimum wage being raised (I think the states should handle it), but I like everything else that Clinton says, I just don't know how she will actually do all of this stuff (free tuition??  Come on.).  But she gives a very detailed sort of policy plan.  Trump says her plan is a disaster (5).  Trump has gone back to getting money from the people we are defending...We are going to have free trade but somehow not going to have free trade because we can get great deals, because Trump is going to be a great wheeler and dealer.  I just hope he does better with our country than he did with those casinos.  Did I mention that NAFTA is a Disaster (6)?

Clinton leans back to her experience.  I gotta say - having been in government during the great recession actually makes me think that she has more credence here.   Macro economics is not the same as running a casino into the ground.

Trump:  If China and India are growing at 7%, and 8%, why can't we?  The ignorance of this man knows no bounds.  Wallace asked a very pointed question, and he has not answered it at all.  Trump does say that hey, he told the truth (once), and it was fact checked.  Good for you, Mr. Trump.  Clinton comes out against TPP....it will be interesting to see if she signs it into law when (yes, when) she is President.

Fitness for president.  And here we go with the sexual misconduct allegations.  If his loose grip on policy disqualifies him from being a president, then I think these allegations (which I believe) certainly do.  But he does pivot to the news that comes out today about paid agitators at Trump rallies.  I don't think that Clinton was actually behind them, but man, it sure is damning.  But Clinton can throw Trump's words about women back into his own face.  Even if the allegations are not true, his response towards them, his belittling of the women who made them, has really hurt him.  Clinton looks very good here.  Going high.  High high high.

Speaking of which, 2016 has made me a believer in legalizing marijuana.  Hopefully it will make us all chill out.  We'd probably be way better off for it.

The Foundation:  Hoof.  A cringeworthy moment for Clinton on her foundation.  She is dodging the question.  It is her Achilles heel, and this is the one place where Trump is actually winning, I would say.  It is a good foundation, I would say, but it certainly looks like a conflict of interest.  Oh, if it was anyone but Trump, Clinton would probably not win this election.  But now Trump is under attack for his own foundation, and the tax returns.  The mud is flying thick here.

The rigged election now....will Trump accept defeat?  Eh.....maybe not.  This election is never going to end.  Trump is talking about fucking voter fraud on a grand, grand, grand scale.  There is simply no evidence for that.  Clinton, I think, comes out very strongly against Trump.  She really dresses Trump down.  He looks like a chided 8 year old boy who has been caught stolen a stick of gum.  Fire from the lady.

Hoof.  Foreign hotspots now.  Mosul!  The fight has begun.  What happens the day after that?  A good question?  Hold it...that's a bad question.  If Mosul gets retaken there wouldn't necessarily be a vacuum.  The Kurds would probably hang on to it.  Clinton will not put us there again as an occupying force...which I think is a good answer.  It still allows us to put troops in to assist.  Smart. She goes on to give a good answer.

Trump now.  What will you do next after Mosul?  Will you put in troops.  Ugh.  He won't answer the question.  Not at all.  Hillary gave a great answer.  This is a losuy, stupid, rambling answer from Trump.  And now he is talking about how bad the offensive is.  The sneak attack again.  I think it is idiotic that Trump would invoke McArhtur and Patton.  Trump is not the equal of either of those men, particularly from a military standpoint.  If he was, then he should have joined the goddamned Army.

TRUUUMMMPPPP!  Why did you put your weapon together so quickly Trump?!

Because hey, you know, you told me to.  And I'm great.  I'm a great soldier.

Jesus H. Christ Trump!  If you were not such a goddamned waste of a enlisted soldier I would recommend you for OCS Trump!  You are going to be a General someday Trump!

I know.  I'm great.

Now, disassemble your weapon and continue!

Trump on Aleppo now.  He won't even let the moderator ask the question.  Trump:  Aleppo is a disaster (8). Trump is saying Assad is smart...which he is, but he is also ruthless.  But even I could argue that if he had won, fast and early, things may have been better, much as we don't like him.

Clinton on the no-fly zone:  I think we could get it to work through cooperation.  But she doesn't say that we will shoot down a Russian or Syrian jet.

I am interested to see if they will shake hands after this.  If I was Hillary Clinton, I would not.

Clinton did say "radicalization".  She's 33.33% there.  If she could just say "radical Islamic terrorism" ISIS would magically just *poof*.

I think that even Chris Wallace is getting tired of Trump.

The debt:  Trump says that, somehow, magically, we are going to get 4% growth or more and that will keep the debt down.  We are going to make an economic machine by stealing underpants and then turn a profit on that.  There is a middle part in there somewhere, but don't worry about that.  Clinton on the debt:  Eh, I will not talk about it, but use the opportunity to attack Trump and his beliefs on America.  Oh, wait, she tacks back to the debt, and says that all of her stuff is debt neutral.  Because she will tax the rich.  At least she is honest about that, eh everyone? 

Entitlements now.  We have not talked about that at all during this long, long campaign.  Neither person has a plan to really take care of this.  Save up, everyone.  Would Trump make the grand bargain?  No.  Because we are going to steal underpants and turn profits.  Obamacare is a disaster (9).  It's a tired attack line.  Would Clinton do the grand bargain?  I dunno, but Trump has called Clinton a "nasty woman".  Clinton will not cut benefits, which I think, sadly, is not realistic.  But no politician would say that.  Ever.  Save your money people.  You are going to need it.  I wish I had some more money to save.

I better start writing that great American novel.

One minute for a closing statement.

Clinton:  I am reaching out to everyone.  We need everyone.  We will be better together than we are apart.  She has not been caught flat footed here.  Could she have somehow known this question was coming?  We'll find out from Trump tomorrow.  But it is a good, strong, stock answer from a consummate politician.

Trump:  Attacks Clinton first.  Trump will make America great again.  Law and Order.  Justice.  Inner cities are a disaster (10).  You will be shot going to the store.  It's an angry answer from an idiot.  Don't go in for four more years of Obama.  That is what you will get.

But Chris Wallace ends on a high note.  It's up to you America.  Go vote.  I hope we put Trump to the metaphorical sword.

No handshake between the two contenders.  Good for you Clinton.  Trump does not deserve it.  Not at all.  Clinton comes out immediately and shakes the hand of Wallace.  Trump sort of scowls behind his lectern.

Clinton wins, I'd say.  She almost never faltered.  She was always thoughtful, very prepared.  She was powerful.  She ducked and dogded when she has to, and survived what could have been some tough questions.  Trump was...Trump.  At his grumpy frumpy Trumpiness.  If Trump did have some good moments, he did himself in with his refusal to accept a metaphorical defeat and literally insulting Clinton on the stage.  To all his supporters, who have legitimate and real grievances with the way that they have been treated over the past years, this is a disaster (11).

Good night everybody.



  

Clinton v. Trump II: This Time It's Personal

Ugh.  It's an ugly ol' debate this.  Merciless.  I think Trump is actually doing kind of well, better than he did in the first debate (a low bar, admitedly), aside from sort of walking around in the background like an ogre, shoulders slouched, arms unnaturally hanging at his side like a pair of salamis.  I also have a horrible feeling that I have read more, and thought more, about our wars in the middle east than Donald Trump has and about our history in general.  You never want to have the feeling that you know more about something than your president does, or that you read more books than your president does.  I don't know if it's true, maybe it's not, but his answer on Syria made me think of someone who has barely even thought about foreign policy at all.  His answer about propping up Assad is maybe not a bad one, if you believe in Realpolitik, but we could never support Assad with a clear conscious in our current day and age.  But all the other stuff that comes out of his mouth. A sneak attack, you say?  By the dark of the moon?  Zounds.

I'm also dismayed that there has been no questions all about Global Warming, as the water slowly starts to lap around my ankles.  Well, one, sort of, at the end, but framed in a way that supports energy companies.

Okay.  So here is my question:  we all talk about debate prep and how important it is.  But we don't know exactly how these things work.  I mean yes, the mock debates, the policy books, yeah yeah yeah.

But how do you hydrate for this?

It's a good question, I think.  If you don't hydrate enough, your mouth will be dry and you will pull a Rubio.  Hydrate too much and you may be asking for a potty break, which would be extremely unbecoming for a future commander in chief.  The extra water would perhaps make you sweat under the lights as well.

Trump and Clinton would handle it differently, of course.  I see Hillary sitting there the night before with a gallon jug of water, taking it seriously, as she does everything.  Two jugs of water, maybe, even.  And then she just kind of coasts on that by sipping water throughout the day, counting on the adrenaline of political combat to keep her bladder as tight as that ol' Scotsman Pennypincher McGee.

Trump...I think he is more of a coffee guy.  I don't know if he actually is, but he seems to have something of a Joe DiMaggio about him, who would drink coffee between innings (between innings!  With a cigarette!). And I apologize to DiMaggio's descendants, if maybe they take offense to that, but you know Trump's from New York, and DiMaggio played for the Yankees, you know, bada bing bada boom, eh? Anyways, fueled on coffee he drinks just enough water to kind of lubricate the vocal chords.  It is effective.  The coffee keeps you awake, and the water at the end would not be enough to induce an awkward moment. Of course that would mean that he is actually dehydrated, and that can really make you feel awful...no wonder he is so angry.

I am sure Trump would say "I am always very hydrated, I drink a lot of water, a lot of water, I am very, very, good at hydration.  Hillary Clinton has been a disaster at hydration.  She talks about taking in all the proper electrolytes, talks and talks, but she does nothing.  She's been a disaster as a Senator, when it comes to hydration.  When I am president, we will be the most hydrated nation in the entire world, I guarantee it.  She's a disaster."

Well....we'll see where all of this goes.  Can we move the vote up to tomorrow, so we can just get it over with?

Whyfore Gary Johnson?

A number of my friends are supporting Gary Johnson, former governor of New Mexico and libertarian wunderkind, for President.  Some of them are supporting him, I think, simply because Trump seems to be an unstable bigot while Hillary Clinton seems to be a cold, calculating, dishonest bitch.

But others are supporting him because, I think, they are actual libertarians.

I've always found it interesting that Adolf Hitler and Churchill were both painters.  Hitler in his life before the cataclysm of World War I and II, Churchill as best as I can tell for much of his life as a hobby.

I've also found it interesting that many engineers are libertarians.

It makes sense though.  Engineers are sensible people, who go to school for years and learn incredible amounts of math but then go into the work force and search for the cheapest, easiest, quickest solution that involves the least amount of paperwork and hassle.

A libertarian point of view seems to fit that pretty well.  It's pretty simple after all;  the government is going to be as small as it can be and leave you alone as much as possible.  Solutions to the nation's pressing problems will be left to the free-market and the people will vote with their dollars.  The government will defend the country but not get over involved in foreign entanglements.  And yes, the government doesn't particularly care if you toke up with some buds after binging all week long on pornography and pumpkin sex orgies because....that's your concern.  The Government doesn't care who or what you bring into your bed and, to a certain extent, what you put into your body.  Heroin, probably, is still kind of bad; but instead of tossing you into jail we are probably going to get you into some kind of treatment program.  Good luck paying for it on your own, because taxes have been cut so much there is no government program.

Have you considered the erotic possibilities of yams, but were to afraid of being stigmatized to tell anyone?  Then vote for Mr. Johnson in November.  I say "In November" because I don't know what day Election Day actually is.

Low taxes, separation of Church and State, abortions for everyone, a powerful military that watches those pesky Canadians.  All of the fiscal responsibility of the Republican Party without all their silly moralizing.

And I have to admit...It's kind of attractive.  It's the closest kind of government to what I think the Founders (with a capital F, no less) would have wanted.

But there is that vexing problem of equality.  What do we do with all the people who lose in a free market system?  Do we just let them get by as best as they will?  Do we hope that people are compassionate enough to donate to food banks and soup kitchens and other charities?  Or does the government have some responsibility to provide some base level for those left by the wayside?  A libertarian might say that these are questions all best answered by local governments and state legislatures, and maybe so; but what about something like education?  What if the people of Virginia would rather not fund public schools because they think it's not particularly important, but then the people of Ohio say "you know what, we are going to have some fantastic schools"?  Doesn't that put the kids in Virginia at a disadvantage simply because they live in a state - oh, no, sorry, a commonwealth -  whose people (perhaps the by most narrow of margins) do not want to adequately support public education?

Once you start to grapple with those kind of questions, you find that libertarian thought always needs some modulation and some nuance.  Some might just kind of shrug their shoulders and argue that inequality is not their problem and that people need to take responsibility for themselves.  True to a degree, perhaps, but I find that that sort of thinking lacks compassion.  And a politics without compassion is due to fail (just read your old, battered copy of Antigone- oh wait, you don't have one due to cuts to the public educational system.  Schade.  Do you know what that means?  Probably not, due to cuts to the public educational system).  

So I have questions for Johnson.  I want to see if maybe he can be nuanced enough to get me to buy in.  I'm not sure based on what I know about him and his thoughts that he can.  But I'd be willing to listen if he is given the chance to debate on the stage.  I think he has every right to do so, and I hope that whoever makes the decision on him being in or out will let him participate.  If the GOP and the DEMs really think they are the shit, and that a life of low taxes and unmitigated pumpkin sex is not better than what they have to offer, then they should not be afraid to prove it.    

And maybe, just maybe, if he shows up at the 36th gate with a couple dozen hot Kripsy Kreme donuts (all for me, I ain't sharing them), I will vote for him on Election day.


 

Hillary! Hillary!....Hillary?

Fairness would dictate that I would sit here tonight and watch Hillary Clinton speak as she accepts the Democratic nomination for president.  History demands it too.  Where were you when the first woman officially accepted her nomination to be President of the United States?

The way things are going right now, I will either be asleep or I will be watching old episodes of Seinfeld on hulu, drinking hot cocoa laced with Bailey's.  It may be 90 degrees right now at 9:57 pm with 80% humidity, but its still good.  

Look folks:  I'm tired.  And it's not my job to watch these speeches and comment on them.  Lots of people are doing that, they have lots of great things to say.  Go and read their blogs.

But, since I guess I have to say something on this historic night, I offer this:

I read Obama's speech from last night, and it was awesome.  Awesome.  Frank Bruni of the New York Times called him an American Poet, and I think that's true.  I don't know if we all agree on his vision of America, but he sure does sell it well.  My God does he sell it well.  I for one will be in line to buy his Presidential Memoirs whenever they come out; I am sure they will be a joy.

So, about Hillary Clinton.

Look, I'm going to vote for her.  I think that's a foregone conclusion.  Nothing Donald Trump could say or do is going to make me vote for him.  He could get Katy Perry to meet me at the 36th street gate with 12 dozen fresh Krispy Kreme donuts and I still wouldn't vote for him.  Even if he offered me a princely sum I wouldn't do it.  I couldn't live with myself.

But Hillary Clinton -- I dunno man.  She doesn't seem real to me.

I know I have said many times that the desire to have someone in office just like us common folk is sort of dumb.  That was the supposed draw of Sarah Palin.  "She's just like me!"  I know I don't want someone just like me to be the leader of the free world.  I am not up for it.  My mother might think I would do a fine job, because that is what mother's do.  But in my heart of hearts I just know that it would simply be to much for me.

What do we do about ISIS?  I don't know.
.
How can we stimulate the economy?  Beats me.

Sir, well, what about the Bushmen?  What about them?  Look, it's 10:13 PM, I'm really tired, I just want to belt back a few bourbons and watch reruns of Seinfeld on Hulu.  Can we talk about this tomorrow?  

But Hillary Clinton now.  She has not driven her own car, probably, since 1992.  That gives me pause.  She also lied about her emails.  That gives me longer pause.  I was willing to forgive her for setting up her own server -- though why I was so willing to do that I am not sure.  But the explanation she gave to us, had given us for months, turned out to be not quite the truth. That bothered me greatly.  And now all these revelations about the DNC, backing Clinton over Sanders and trying to push him out of the race...The Clinton's are powerful.  The most powerful people on this earth.  They live in a different world, where maybe they just kind of do whatever they want.  Thankfully they seem to do this mostly for good, but also I think for their own self-aggrandizement.

It's only a pause though.  Oh Republicans.  If you had managed to nominate a moderate this year, you might have had me.  But now you guys are veering hard to starboard and you have nominated a demagouge for president.  You could have had me, sans Krispy Kreme donuts.

But now? If you want my vote?  It's going to cost you.

Trump! Trump! Trump!

So tonight, with no cable and with CNN GO offering only 9:00 of free coverage, I am going to be listening to Trump's speech tonight and doing a sort of stream of conciousness minute by minute thing that maybe you can read later if you are so inclined.

So its 8:39 PM Eastern Time.  The Governor of Oklahoma is talking about how she is awesome, thanks to optimism, determination, beef, and good old fashioned values.  God.  Applause it tepid.  It's not a great speech.  I'm kind of wondering how many people are actually listening.  She says that Trump will speak "Truth to Power".  Which I think is Nietzsche, yeah?  

Well....I am going to do some dishes.  I'll be back.  Incidentally, I thought that Cruz did a very brave thing by not endorsing Trump yesterday.  I'm sure he decided he has more to gain by doing so, but still.  It was funny to see that Trump actually glared at him from the back of the hall.  It was like WWE...I'm just waiting for someone to grab a chair and bonk someone over the head.  

8:48.  Still no Trump.  

9:00.  Okay, so apparently we are still a whole hour away from Trump speaking.  Do these people know how tired how I am?  I don't think I can make that.  I am seriously considering whether this is worth it or not.  Everybody in the crowd sounds tired too.  They all, I think, want to go home.

9:20.  In the course of doing more dishes, and getting kids water, and schlepping things up and down the stairs, etc. etc., I break a Pyrex measuring glass in the kitchen.  Bollocks.  

9:36  The Guardian reports that Trump will speak around 10:15.  Man.  It just keeps going on and on and on.  Whoever is speaking now is bashing the Iran deal, which I thought was...good?  Hard to say.  So far so good, I'd say.  But we'll see.  

9:45 - Seriously reassessing my priorities in life.   I hear a heck of a lot of crazy saxophone music down there.  Someone is really laying down some Truth!  I imagine there are lot of people dancing very badly right now.  I wonder what kind of music Donald Trump actually likes?  He's never really talked much about it - which is strange because he kind of talks about everything.  Clearly he thinks the saxophone is one hell of an instrument.  Really, who is this band?  They are cheezy, and yet they are very solid.

9:54 - Drum solo.  Break it down!  

10:00 Allright, now were talking.  There is a video on Donald's Trump career being shown, including that time he "wrote" the Art of The Deal.  Its coming!  Soon, soon, soon.....

10:04 -  Here is Ivanka Trump.  Now I am actually watching the RNC live feed on You Tube.  I wonder how it is that there seems to be a bit of wind blowing through Ivanka's hair.

10:07 - Since when did Trump work for the world around us?  He's some kind of batman now?  Though it is very hard to criticize a woman talking about her father.  Very hard.  Hold your fire everyone!  Hollllllllllllld.....

10:09 HA!  Colorblind and gender neutral.  Platitudes my lady.  Platitudes.  She does look awkward up there.  Assured, but awkward.  Smiling for applause lines.

10:11 Some very forceful language about how Trump treats women at his company.  I wonder how Trump is actually going to make child care accessible to all?  Perhaps he will elaborate later.  Ivanka promises Equal pay for Equal work on behalf of her father.  Which would be good. I mean, how can you disagree with that?

10:14 - Donald Trump is inacapable of thinking small --- because he is incapable of thinking!  Ha.  You set your self up for that one.  

10:15 - Where is the Trump?  The Donald?  The man?  Do I really think he cries everytime he sees a boarded up Main Street?  THAT I would like to see.  Listening to Ivanka is like when you go to someone's wedding and you hear the best man give a speech about how awesome the groom is, and you are like "I know the groom....and that doesn't sound like the groom."  It's like she is talking about a totally different person then the one we have been acquainted with over the past....gosh, has it been a year?  Yeah.  It's been a year.

10:17 - Donald Trump will speak to every person of every background?  So when is he going to stop by my door.

10:18:  And there he is!  HA HA HA!  TRUMP in huge gold letters, with the drums and the dramatic music like he is going to be getting onto Apollo 13, and....wow there are more flags on stage then there are people in the audience.

10:19  Okay.  Here we go.  Little smile on the face.  Starts of humbly with some thank you's.  A weak chant from the crowd, you can barely hear them.

10:20 And he humbly accepts the nomination.  Surprise surprise.  Good start though.  He should quit while he is ahead.  Chants of USA from the crowd.  Oh, and now Trump tries to fire up the crowd.  He is clearly enjoying this.  He goes into a description of how many votes he has, and he has more votes than the democrats, so I guess he is the shit then.  He is a winner, and so he will be a great leader.

10:22 Law and Order.  He is Batman.  Really.  Donald J Trump......is Batman.

10:23 Mentions radical terrorism and threats to police....And Trump is going to end all the violence.  Let's hear how?

10:24  His speaking style reminds me just a little of Bill Cosby in full Jello Pudding Pop mode.  Probably not someone you really want to be compared to.

10:25.  I see.  If we stop being politically correct the violence will stop.  So let's here some Truth Donald Trump . Lay it on me!  Let's go.  I'm ready....

10:26  He seems now to be running for the mayor of a major city, talking about crime and shooting and violence.  With guns.  But he blames it all on Obama, as if he is the cause for the whole thing, which is an incredible claim to make.  Just incredible.  What power, really, does the President have over local law and order?  Ah....the Mexicans, the illegals, the muslims.  Jesus Christ this man is loathsome.  Chants of "Build the Wall! Build the Wall!  Build the Wall!".  All Trump is peddling is fear and sadness.

10:29  He paints a pretty bleak economic picture.  That is probably the most truthful thing he has said.  We, he says, will fix it.  But I'll tell ya, he's just got a pocket full of magic beans.

10:32  Shhhh.  I'm listening.  Now to our many humiliations.  Syria now.  I would like to know what Trump would propose we do about that one.

10:34  Hillary Clinton now, and her bad record on foreign policy (apparently).  Wow.  He basically blamed the whole ails of the middle east on Hillary Clinton alone, from Egypt to Libya to Syria to Iran even to Iraq.  Though he does make an important point -- after 15 years of wars in the middle east we have little to show.  Wars that Bush, a REPUBLICAN PRESIDENT, started.  Hell, Bush was in power 15 years ago.

10:36  Okay now Trump.  What do you got?  We are in the shit.  How do you get us out?  

10:37.  Americanism, not Globalism.  Respect is earned, not deserved.  Have we earned it?

10:39.  Law and Order again.  KUNG CHUNG!  Batman.

10:39  There are about 217,000 people watching on the You Tube feed right now.  Pretty good pull, I guess.

Trump: ‘We are going to fix the system so it works for all Americans ’ Photograph: John Moore/Getty Images

10:40.  Trump is practically screaming into the mike.  And yet here we are 20 minutes into the speech, and there has not been one piece of policy, not one single idea.  Not a one.  It isn't there.  Just big "isms".  Populism.  American Exceptionalism.  Trump, Billionare, takes on the voice of the poor and disenfranchised...and maybe there is something to there to the very compassionate person Ivanka was talking about.

10:43  The crowd is trying to get a full head of steam up here.  They can't seem do it.  Like an old man on his anniversary who is waiting for the viagra to kick in, and it just.....it just isn't happening.

10:44  Hello Cleveland!  You rock!  I think that was just something to get a cheer out of the crowd.  This is something else man.  Something else.

10:44.  Ah yes.  The emails.  I sympathise with him there, actually.  It really makes me pause when I consider a vote for Hillary Clinton.  She lied about the system she had, and I think she was just dumb to have her own email.  Another example of the Clinton's living in their own world.  Though Trump has layered on much more than just that, he sounds like a conspiracy theorist.

10:47 Literally, at this point, I say "Goddamn, what a fucking son of a bitch".  Only he can fix our ills?  He is like Batman and Jesus, all rolled into one.  He makes an appeal for Bernie Sanders supporters.  I'll tell you what....this democrat never will.  He is getting very little applause here.  Very little.

10:49  Mike Pence now.

10:50 Hillary Clinton is probably watching and saying "Oh, these rustics are so inept.  It nearly takes the honor out of victory.....nearly."

10:51.  Don't compare Trump to Hitler.  Hitler was a way better public speaker.  Way better.

10:51  Now we are back to law and order again.  This is very disogranzied.  I wonder if he is just shooting from the cuff at this point.

10:51  For the thrid time he says we are going to bring law and order back to the streets.  I think this is a bomb man.  He's dying out there.  Dying.  Batman is dying.

10:53  He will protect the children, and make sure they are all equal.  All treated equally.  BUT HOW IS HE GOING TO DO IT!  THIS IS MADDENING!  Most people have a plan.  It may be a shitty plan, and it might not work, but its still a plan.  I don't think he has any plan.  None.  I am

10:54  He is almost on a loop here.  We are going to defeat ISIS now.  Fast.  Good fucking luck.  HOW WILL YOU DO IT!???  HOW???

10:55 I am literally just getting angrier and angrier watching this.  Believe me.  Believe me.  It's total shit.  Am I just dreaming?  Am I taking crazy pills?  Does anyone else see what I am seeing????  This man has not a clue.  Not a clue.    He has not said one constructive thing in like 36 minutes.  It is nice, though, this convention to see a rift finally developing in the party over human sexuality.

10:56  "God.  Stupid fucking idiot".  That is what I said when he decides to blame Hillary Clinton for the problems in the Middle Easter.  There was this man, called George W. Bush.  He invaded Iraq.  It was stupid.  Trump only says we are going to win, and we are going win fast?  HOW!!!???

10:59.  I'll bet Israel is quaking in their boots right now.

11:00 Trump is now taking credit for NATOs resent call to set up a task force to fight Terrorism.  Nicely done.

11:00  Oh boy.  We are going to suspend imigration from the middle east.  We don't want them in our country, he says.

11:01  Well the screening thing is a lie.  It is very, very hard to get into the US if you are a refugee, at least that is my understanding.  Maybe someone is lying to me, but I think it's probably the man with the funny hair on my computer.

11:03  And now we bob back over the immigration again.  We're back on the illegal immigration thing again.  This is a really horrible speech.  Really horrible.  In structure, in words, in delivery.  It is just very, very bad.  I don't really care what your political persuasion is.  This is a horrible speech.  I am not sure how many times I can type that.  I am sort of curious to see how long he decides he is going to go on for.  

11:05.  You know?  I think Donald Trump needs to read a few more books.

11:08  Based on the Guardians feed most of this speech is not ad-libbed but actually written.  Which is incredible.  It is incredible that someone can write something so insipid, and horrible, and disorganized, and incoherent.  And so long.  This has to end.

11:09  More USA Chants again.  Weak.  Very weak.  I don't think that people in the crowd can really believe what they are seeing.  They all kind of looked shell shocked.  I know I am.  My mind is definetly starting to wander.  He is coming up on an hour.  And its been a desultory hour spent in an act of politcal masturbation.  But that would actually probably be more fun.

11:15  I do notice now that only 201,711 people are watching.  Some of us have decided to ditch.

11:17  Now he is finally getting into his plans.  Tax cuts.  Fewer government restrictions.  More energy.  More mining.  More steel working.  His notice of tax cuts gets very light applause where normally that is a huge applause line.

11:19  I don't think his economics make sense.  I am not sure.  It just sounds like a bunch of magic unicorn farts.  Ah....there is an endorsement for school choice.  Here we are at an hour mark.  Repeal and Replace Obamacare.  This is all stuff he could have said ages ago.  I can choose my own doctor now....

11:20  TSA a disaster.  THAT we can agree on.  Only 197,197 watching now.  And falling.

11:21.  So I guess if you are having problems with students loans, you can go and join the military.  It looks like we are going to talk again about foreign policy.  We will ask countries to pay for our protection.  That is exactly, exactly what the British asked us to do back when were merely a colony.  And we said "Fuck you Britain, and fuck your fucking tea!"  And America was born.  A little different, I suppose, in that that was a colony and NATO is not really like that.

11:23  Ooooh!  A 100 day pledge.  But I am not sure what is talking about now.  Only 194,973 watching now.  And falling.

11:24.  The judge issue.  THAT is an issue I think a lot of Republicans can get behind.  It shows in their applause.  Uhoh...we have buffering problems now.  But we are back.  Not quite as clear.  But yeah, the courts are a huge issue.  If Republicans are left voting for anything, its this.

11:25.  Ahhh that is Bollocks. Clinton does not want to take your guns.  I don't want to take your guns.  Obama doesn't want to take your guns.  We can't!  It's in the constitution.

11:26.  Now we are on to faith.  There is a little bit of humility from the man, which is nice to see at this late, late, late hour.

11:27.  I have Internet problems now.  Now I am watching it on my phone.  This is the third way that I have tried to watch this thing.  I still can't believe he is talking.  You have only 192,254 people watching right now, and I am inexplicably one of them.  It's like when my family rented The Holiday and my Dad was the only one who stuck with it on principle.  He has some very warm things to say about his family.  And I think we are finally wrapping things up here.....

11:29  Big Applause.  That should really be the end.  We are going to start winning again.

11:30.  Nope.  I slap myself in the face.  What a horrible idea this was.  He is finally reaching for a little bit or oratory here.  The last two minutes have been his strongest.

11:32.  Oh ho.  That was nice.  "I'm with you, the American People".  Turning the whole "I'm with her" thing that Hillary has on its head.  It hasn't saved the speech, but that was good.  Wrap it up man.  You are ahead for once.  Quit.  Stop.  Stop.  Stop talking.

11:34  And that's it!  He's done!  The crowd sounds like a small crowd at a concert.  Weak spotlights swirl around the crowd.  Balloons?  I don't see any Balloons.  Here are the families.  Applause has died down.  People are tired.  And so am I.  It's time to go home.

Some reaction from the peoples though first.  I haven't come this far not to hear what other people think.  NPR did not think it was too compelling, did not hurt but it did not help.  It certainly did not change my mind.  Oh, there are the Balloons.  There have to be balloons, and there are real fireworks too.  At least in that I am not disappointed.

The fact checkers I think are going to rip this one apart.    




  

  

In Which Nick Plays Catch-up

Wow!  A whole month has gone by without a new blog post!  Crikey Jean that is bad!

It's not like I haven't had anything to talk about.  I've been reading books, I've been watching the news, I've rejoiced in the beginning of Baseball season and the Orioles fast start, which I think is too good to last.  I've chided friends for drinking beer with ice (travesty!) and all the while slowly developing a plan to take over Canada which, in Donald Trump like fashion, I think they are just going to let us do after an honorable exchange of gunfire.  Except for the Quebecois...

So I may as well catch you up on what I have been thinking about the past month.  If you are getting ready to be wowed with incredibly revelations....well, prepared to be disappointed.

I finished Watching House of Cards
In one of my last posts I waxed rhapsodic about season four of House of Cards.  It felt like the show was back to its old self now that Claire and Frank Underwood had declared open season on each other after separating at the end of season three.

It didn't last.  Talk about a story of two halves!  While the first half of the season was incredibly fun to watch, the back end was horrible, I thought.  Claire becomes Frank's running mate during a contested election (in which, naturally, the Underwoods manage to make sure Claire wins in an underhanded way).  Still they are losing a re-election bid to who I think is the governor of New York.  And of course Frank is sort of lobbing bombs at some terrorist group in the middle east that is like ISIS but with different initials, but as the polls continues to suffer home-grown radicals kidnap some people and Frank uses that to goad the nation into total war against terrorism.  As one of the people is beheaded by the kidnappers the Underwoods broadcast it to the nature, which has echos of things that Milosevic used to do to get the Serbs hot under the collar to go fight the Croats or the Albanians (violent films and soft core porn, according to War is a Force that Gives us Meaning  by Chris Hedges).  The Underwoods hope is that the war will win them the election, bringing the nation together.  One almost thinks they orchestrated the whole kidnapping themselves.

Its hard to know why they do all this.  Power for the sake of power's sake?  Naked ambition?  Frank Underwood is dying before our eyes, it's not like his time as POTUS is actually doing him any favors.  And yet the carry on.  There will be a fifth and maybe sixth season.  But my patience is not limited....I may have say fare thee well to the Underwoods.

I read SPQR by Mary Beard
Lately as I have been reading books, particularly non-fiction ones, I have been looking for the one thing in the book I will always remember. For SPQR it is the fact that before 117 AD all the Roman Emperors are clean shaven (though I did find a picture of Nero where he has chin straps), but then suddenly with the Emperor Hadrian all the emperors have full beards.  No one knows why.  Mary Beard doesn't know why, and I don't know why.

THOUGH - I like to think that Hadrian, perhaps on campaign in the north, grew a beard to keep his face warm and forgot to shave on the day that his picture was taken.

Interestingly, if you look at the Wikipedia list of of Roman Emperors,  they all are shown with beards until the Emperor Geta in 209 AD.  Why the switch back?  Maybe his wife had something to do with it...

I saw Eye in the Sky
It was really good!  It really turns over all the questions of the ethics of war (and the ethics of drone strikes in particular) in a very compelling way.  In a nutshell, the British have been following this terrorist (a British citizen) who has made her way to Africa and is helping some group to carry out suicide bombings.  They have actionable intelligence that she in such and such a place and that she is readying two young men for suicide missions (they have a drone the size of a bug inside the house she is in).  But outside the house is a child selling bread.

What do you do?  Most of the military people in the movie want to strike and hope that the girl survives, reasoning that if they do kill the girl they will also kill the suicide bombers and therefore save the lives of many more people.  But the civilians watching, high level British officials who also have to okay the strike, are torn. They don't want to take a chance killing the girl, and make some legitimate arguments for not doing so.

And that is what is great about the movie.  I don't think it really leads to you what the right answer is.  It offers some complexity to a situation in which I think many of us who have never had to make such decisions have an answer that we are sure is right.  This movie suggest that maybe you are wrong.

The only thing I don't like about the movie is when the British try to get American input into the situation.  They contact the Secretary of State and he's like "Yeah, do it, whatever".  The Attorney General is also very sure that the strike is right.  I suppose the British think we are just a bunch of cowboys....

The Election is Really, Really Boring.
When will it be over?

Prince Died.
Yes he did.  I honestly was surprised by the outpouring of emotion that occurred after his death was announced.  I think he's a good musician, but I never considered myself a fan.

But that isn't it....I guess it's social media.  Someone dies, they are famous.  Famous people feel compelled to make a statement about how great that person was, and then the rest of us common folk see it and we get all wrapped up in a big giant sugar ball of emotion.

I wonder what would happen if someone famous I cared more about died suddenly.  Say....Dave Grohl perhaps, or Nikki Giovanni.  Would I expect the same outpouring of emotion?  Would I want to see it?  Would I too turn to social media and post my remembrances, just in an effort to touch a moment and be with others even if it is only digitally?

Maybe I would.  Maybe.

Well, that's about all for now. Hopefully I'll get back into the swing of things...though I suppose for a month, the world survived without my two cents.

A Post on Palin - Hopefully the Last.

It is with great anger and indignation that I read the media's coverage of Sarah Palin's endorsement of Donald Trump.  I ask a simple question:  why on Earth do we continue to care about what this woman has to say?

What has she done in the past eight years?  

Yes, she was nominated Vice President and became the face of the Tea Party "Revolution".  Okay, great.  But then she abandoned her post as the Governor of Alaska, eschewing service to her State and her Country for punditry and reality TV.  She's not a leader or even really a doer, but instead has leveraged people's real concern for our country into the only thing she really seems to care about:  herself.  

We used to elect professionals, statesmen, and politicians to office.  Now a good chunk of the nation seems to think that one reality TV star,  one self serving demagogue crowned by another self serving demagogue, is some how qualified and has earned the right to lead our nation simply because he "tells it like it is", even when in fact he doesn't.

Well, enough.  Palin's star is still on the wane, and hopefully this will be the last time she tries to play king maker for our kind of antsy, sort of unsure of itself, not really very Happy Republic.  I have to actually go to work,  which is something hopefully that Ms. Palin, if she arcs back her memories far enough, remembers kinda sorta having to do.

Donald Trump is....Not Good.

It is amazing to me....just amazing....that a man who sights as his inspiration two of the darkest chapters in American history, the internment of Japanese Citizens during World War II and Operation Wetback, is still leading the polls for the GOP nomination.  It's astounding.  Just astounding.  

And there are really no other words.  Volumes and volumes have been written and will be written about this political cycle where one man has broken every rule of presidential electoral politics and thus far remained seemingly invincible to his own vacuity.  

But I'll tell you this Donald J. Trump:  I will never, ever vote for you.  

And my vote is cheap!  I was willing to give it away to Romney for a couple dozen fresh (not fundraiser) Krispy Kreme donuts.  But for you?  No amount of donuts will do.  Not three dozen, not five dozen.  Not ten.  You could even up the quality, fly them in special from New York, get your own personal chef to guild them with gold flake in the shape of little boats and geese and get Katy Perry and Anne Hathaway to serve them to me in a palatial Mansion by the sea and I still would proudly, proudly say "No!"

No, Donald Trump!  No.  I won't do it.   

So that's what I think of Donald Trump.  It's on record, it's out in the ether, and I needn't discuss this again.

Weekly Rundown: Cruz, Debates, and the EPL is Back!

So much is happening that I could write three blog posts!  But I think in the interest of brevity (at least for me, maybe not for you) I will combine all three into a weekly rundown that will probably never be repeated.
So, the weekly rundown.

Cruz!

The Ted Cruz Magical Mystery Tour parked the bus in Washington for the past couple of weeks as Cruz found himself fighting against the twin evils of Iran and Planned Parenthood...which is not such a great joke because there are plenty of people around who actually do think that Iran and Planned Parenthood are Evil.  Still, he found time to make bacon with a machine gun.  This from a man who wants to be leader of the free world. Our attitudes towards guns makes us the laughing stock of the entire world.  But, it has given Cruz nearly 800,000 views in four days.  He has his viral video.

Later, Rachel Maddow rather joyously pointed out that Ted Cruz wasn't actually using a "machine gun" to cook bacon, but rather a semi-automatic AR-15, as if he didn't understand that himself.  Who cares. The elitest left really does little to make the progressive agenda more palatable with crap like that.

So...he's in Washington, but then the Senate braked for its August recess.  How a body that is supposed to be emblematic of all that America is can subject itself to the odious European practice of the August vacation is beyond me.

However credit to Cruz:  instead of departing for the nearest nude beach with a basket full of stinky cheese sandwiches and mineral water he actually flew to Cleveland (CLEVELAND!) for the first debate of the Republican primary season.  In my opinion he did not distinguish himself on a stage shared with 9 other front runners, but on the other hand he didn't do anything to torpedo his campaign, and his tough talk on ISIS may garner him some additional support.

Now Cruz finds himself on his first Bus Tour of the Campaign, winding his way comfortably through the southeastern states that are most likely to garner his support.  Maybe if he can win them over, others will
follow.

Magical Mystery Tour Stats:

Days on Campaign: 139

Days on the Road: 73

Miles traveled:

Lbs of Chicken Consumed:44890

Debate!

I confess, I watched the debate only because Trump was in it, solely for the entertainment value.  Clearly he stole the show, but I really don't believe he is going to win the nomination.  If he does, I don't see how he could win.  But I'm sure people said the same things about Jesse Ventura in Minnessota and we all know how that went.  Sometimes crazy things happen.

As to the others:  I guess I have to agree with the talking heads.  Kasich impressed me with his compassionate conservatism...the prospect of him and Rubio joining forces on a ticket intrigues me.

But aside from those guys I don't think I could throw my support behind any of the other Republican contenders; they are all simply too far to the right.  I'm wary of anyone who suggests we could defeat ISIS in 90 days (one does not simply walk into Mordor) and I was also alarmed by how much many of the Candidates waxed about religion influencing their decision making.  I could go on and on about that, maybe one day I will.  But for now let me simply say that while I have no problem with one's religion forming the ethical basis for their decision making I do have a problem suggesting that Jesus would be rather proud of  our New American Empire built on a military industrial complex with vast consumption of goods at its capitalistic heart. I'd like to know how the Candidates figure on that, as Jesus took a rather flippant view of the great Empire of his day and its treatment of the poor and the oppressed.

Anyway, as long as Trump is in the debates I must admit I will probably keep watching.  Otherwise I'll catch the eventual nominee in the presidential debates later on next year.  Next year!  Ugh....

Premier League!

It's back!  Oh Glorious Day its back!  As I write we are currenlty 15 minutes into the first game of the new Premier League season, Manchester United and Tottenham Hotspur currently locked in a 0-0 draw.  Few things make me happy consistently as settling in to watch a match, and the fact that the Men in Blazers show has also returned makes the new season only sweeter.

But there is one dark cloud on the horizon.  Mr X, our resident Cleveland Browns fan, has just "decided" to become a football fan and has "decided" without much consideration to follow Arsenal. To prove that his blood bleeds red and white (which I guess it actually does, come to think of it, red and white blood cells and what have you....)  he printed out a couple of articles on the history of the club, which I don't think he actually read, and showed them to us at work to burnish his credentials.

This alarms me greatly.  If he actually watches the games and gets informed, becomes an actual supporter of Arsenal, well, then more power to him.  Welcome to a wonderful new world.

But I doubt he will do that.  He will not watch the games, get updates on his phone, and just use it as an opportunity to further insinuate his never-ending stream of bullshirtery into my life.

I have the sense that if a real Arsenal supporter was to walk into the office and talk for football with Mr. X for a few minutes, Mr. X would probably receive a punch in the face for daring to call himself a fan.

Well, we'll see.  For now, to the football!

Ted Cruz Magical Mystery Tour - Day 132

Let's have a moment of Truth in honor of Ted Cruz:  

Following a person's campaign for president, day by day, everyday, is boring.  Very, very, very dull.  So I gave up on it for a month or two.  But (and I am a little ashamed to admit this) the recent assholery of one Donald Trump has piqued my interest in the race once more, and so for the last two weeks I have been trying to catch up on Ted Cruz and his Magical Mystery Tour that will very likely only lead to one place:  him dropping out of the race, surrounded by friends, family, and supporters, in one final bland conference center.

So, the stats:  

Ted Cruz has been on the trail (as of yesterday, 8/1/2015) 132 days, during which he has actually been on the road 71 days.  He has traveled a whopping 44,000 miles.  And to his credit he has only consumed approximately 24 lbs of chicken directly related to his campaign.  

Ted Cruz is probably the only candidate in the field to have a tattoo of Winston Churchill on his arm;  Though I hear that Hillary Clinton has one of Mahatma Gandhi on her left breast.

He tends to favor Iowa, visited 11 times, followed closely by South Carolina at 9 visits. He's also  been to Georgia, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, and even California once.  The only time he's seen fit to grace Virginia with his presence at an actual campaign event was his big kick-off in Lynchburg, and the Commonwealth thanks him for that.  He's been up to New York City 8 times for big media days.  Though he is running for president of the entire country he has only visited 14 states in the Union and that includes the non-state of DC.  But we shouldn't hold that against him - Obama has been the president for the past 8 years and only just managed to visit all 50 states at least once during his tenure this past spring.

Mr. Cruz had his first major gaffe while we were away, making a joke about Joe Biden shortly after his son died - it was a part of his normal stump speech and I guess he just sort of didn't think about it.  He apologized immediately.  After that he lied low for a bit, tweeting about re-igniting the promise of America and getting a rash of editorials about the Iran Deal in the papers.  

But then?  Ahh....then in July the book comes out.  

The book!  The obligatory campaign book!  Full of campaign stuff about awesome America is and how it takes a man of consummate awesomeness to lead it to the awesome future it deserves.  He timed the release of the book to coincide with the 4th of July and hit the road, plugging his book on the morning talk shows and then signing books in Texas, Georgia, South Carolina, Iowa, and probably where ever else he gets to go. Best of all, Mr. Cruz got to pick a fight with the New York Times when they refused to let him get on the best-seller list even though his book sold 12,000 copies and probably should have been.  The NYT believed that Cruz and his team had made strategic bulk purchases and that the 12,000 sales mark wasn't "real".  Amazon and Harper Collins both came to Cruz's aid, saying they saw no evidence of such behavior, but the Gray Lady has not budged and Cruz got a little boost to his campaign numbers.  In all fairness to the man, the book is actually supposed to be a good read - far better than your average campaign swill.  I haven't read it, but Time magazine noted that Cruz is a fluid writer and communicator.

For all that?  Based on a RealClearPolitics.com compilation of polls on the Republican hopefulls Cruz sits in the middle of the pack, with poll numbers hovering around 5%.  His highest poll numbers, around 10%, came when he made his initial announcement and was the only man in the race - now there are 17 people vying for the nomination.  That "jump" in the polls for fighting the New York Times only took him from 4 to 5 percent.  Recently he has lost ground in the standings, as Huckabee gains numbers for making his outrageous comments on the Iran Deal that very bluntly reference the Holocaust.  I've got to hand it to Cruz:  I think his ideas are bad ones, but he has run a very principled campaign, trying to use his battles in the Senate over the Iran Deal and de-funding Planned Parenthood to give his campaign some policy oomph that the others perhaps lack.  But as Trump's latest poll numbers show, pandering to the electorate does not mean taking principled stances on policy;  being an ass plays far better.  

Clearly the big hope is that Cruz makes it to the first debate on August 6th, hosted by Fox News.  Only the top 10 in the polls will make it, though those being left out will get to participate in a lesser "NIT" debate airing earlier.  Currently Cruz sits 8th and his poll numbers (roughly 5%) remain stubborn.  

The strategy must follow from there, and it's likely based on getting more numbers as people drop out.  Maybe some of the 1%'ers leave the race, and maybe Cruz can gather some of those people in his flock. Maybe when Trump finally collapses (though as he hasn't yet its hard to imagine what will finally bring about his downfall) some of those numbers will go to Cruz...Cruz has been less vitriolic in his denouncements of "The Donald" then the other candidates have been, and maybe he is hoping that he is seen as The Thinking Man's Trump, a more viable alternative who is kind of like Trump but actually not a total dick and therefore more likely to make it to Washington, a city known for high levels of dick tolerance that must still draw the line somewhere.  

Well, that's all for now.  Ted Cruz is likely hunkered down in Texas getting ready for the debate.  He's got a big post debate campaign push lined up in several locations, culminating in a Rally to Restore Religious Freedom in Iowa (where else?).  The field is set, the debates are ready to begin, and maybe things are finally going to get interesting.  

There will be a whole lot more conference room chicken eaten before this thing is over.   

  

Is Ted Cruz Eating Camembert Cheese? America Must Know!

You know I got to thinking:

The one great thing about running for the GOP presidental nomination, the one thing that probably makes it better than running for the DNC's?  The food has got to be better.

One of the by-products of our consumer driven age is that you are now defined by what you buy and also by what you eat.  We play out our politics in fast food choices, organic pop-tarts, free ranged chickens with clean bills of mental health, lovely slabs of beef, gallon jugs of soda, and cheese.

You may find cheese to be an odd choice.  But what if we all found out that Ted Cruz enjoyed a good, runny, smelly Camembert cheese with fresh sliced pears at night while he sits in another hotel room, contemplating his next move?  For political purposes, he's probably stuck with home grown American cheese and a piece of ham.

But that's probably the worst of it.  Do they eat chicken in SC?  Maybe, if its been deep fried and slathered with pulled pork.  Do you think they served tofu at the NRA national meeting in Nashville?  Fuck no.  They probably had huge honking slabs of Texas steer, with extra bread to sop up all the blood.  Bacon?  It veritably grows on trees (and there is a GOP wing that wants to actually make that happen with some nifty genetic engineering.  Some say they are playing God, but most agree that God has given them the ability, why not use the gift?). It's on the donuts, in the pancakes, baked into the muffins.  Strippers may no longer pop out of cakes at Republican fundraisers, but Bacon is always welcome and it's just as greasy.  

But if you are running for the democratic nominee you are more likely to go to events where they try to make you kelp, because it's good for you and it doesn't have any feelings.....or does it?

So because of that, I am revising the number on conference room chicken and applying a third of a pound per day if Cruz speaks at a large event attended mostly by old people, and so I now think that Cruz has eaten maybe 13 lbs of chicken here on day 41 of the campaign.  Doctor Robert assures us that Mr. Cruz is getting plenty of iron.

Dr. Rob does complain about the coffee though.  Your stereotypical Republican is more likely to stick with Folgers because it's cheap and that leaves them with more money to buy guns and ammo.  While this does prepare one well for the coming zombie apocalypse it does make for a pretty dismal brew - though you may as well get used to it, because when the zombies come the trip to the Starbucks on the corner will become very risky indeed.

Liberals don't really have the money either, as they have spent all their money on Che Guvara T-shirts and the drugs that they keep slipping into the reservoirs that are turning us all into homosexuals and slowly destroying America.  But they need that special coffee to focus their minds, steeped as they in the bitter tea of atheism and fear of the great nothingness of Death. So they spring for better beans on credit.

For the moment at least Doctor Robert has the run of the DC Coffee scene, which has to be pretty good (I'm not really sure), as Cruz has spent much of his time recently there.  This past weekend he could be seen in Columbia, SC, speaking at the SC GOP Convention along with some other presidential hopefuls.

But he shouldn't get too comfortable:  the next senate recess is a mere 20 days away, and I'm sure that Ted yearns to be back on the trail....

Ted Cruz Magical Mystery Tour – Current Stats

Days Campaigning:  41

Days spent on the Road: 26

Miles Traveled: 16,062

Lbs of Chicken Consumed: 12.75

Ted Cruz Magical Mystery Tour - Day 34

In addition to yesterday being the 100th anniversary of the Gallipoli Landings yesterday was also Ted Cruz's 34th day on the campaign trail.  

Since we left him a week and half ago he has been to New Hampshire once again, spent some time in Washington introducing legislation that would limit the powers of federal courts to overturn defense of marriage amendments to state constitutions (basically arguing that the courts cannot override the people's right to decide the gay marriage question and making it solely a state issue), and hopefully has been taking some time off the campaign trail to get some beef into his diet. He's looked a little peaked these days and the head physician of the Mystery Tour, Doctor Robert (who else!) is thinking maybe the chicken rich diet of life on the trail has left him slightly anemic.

He's also been on the defensive.  Apparently at the First in The Nation Leadership Summit he said that he has been "pressing" John McCain to allow legislation that would allow soldiers to carry personal weapons on military bases (which I think is a rather horrible idea -- I get it, I get it, those who defend our rights should in theory be able to exercise that right themselves, but I think it would lead to bad things....), and John McCain in his wry John McCain way said he has done no such thing.  So Ted hopped on a Jet to New York for an interview on Fox News to back track his comments.  It seems that has buried it.

In recent days he's started playing long ball, addressing the Republican Jewish Coalition in Las Vegas Nevada and then hopping on a plane to speak at the Faith and Freedom Forum in Waukee, Iowa.  Rick Perry joined him in Vegas but most everyone in the GOP mixer was at the Faith and Freedom Forum, including Rick Santorum and Mike Huckabee who are probably less running for president and probably more trying to sell a book.  Cruz did say that the Democratic Party was a home for liberal fascism, trying to impose its views on an unwilling populous but I will let other people in the blogosphere chew on that one for a bit.

No word on if he enjoyed any of the night life in Las Vegas, but he could always argue that he just left his hotel to get a sandwich and merely got confused, and ended up somewhere where he shouldn't have been.

He has traveled 13,700 miles, been on the road 23 days, and eaten probably on the order of 17 lbs of catered conference chicken. As of 4/16 46,871 people have donated money to the Ted Cruz campaign by its own reckoning, and he has $3.5 million cash in hand.

It isn't enough.  While Hillary Clinton is making videos like this that have actual music and editing and like direction and people and stuff:

Ted Cruz is left making these 30 second snippets from whatever dreary hotel room he happens to be in.  Here is the one he posted to his twitter page when he left Las Vegas for Waukee:

God bless him, poor little man.

In which Hillary Clinton Eats a Burrito Bowl

Listen:  

This past Sunday two women walked into a Chipotle while they were on her way to Iowa.  They ordered a chicken burrito bowl, a chicken salad, a soda, and a blackberry Izze.  The bill was $20.  They paid $21.  They pocketed the change.  Maybe they did it because they are stingy bitches.  Maybe they did it because the people behind the counter were not particularly prompt with the construction of their lunches.  Maybe they were angry to find out that the carnitas they had been dreaming about for miles were off the menu due shortages of pigs who, if not necessarily happy to be raised for the slaughter, at least get to see the mountains in the distance while they ride in the truck to the abattoir and,  mon Dieu, isn't it beautiful?  It's the Chipotle way.  They really care.    

Or maybe they needed to pocket the money so they could use it later to run negative attack ads against a yet to emerge opponent.  Because those two ladies were Hillary Clinton and her campaign manager.

And we went nuts!  Days of analysis.  Did we ever imagine that two women ordering food at a Chipotle could cause such a stir?  Is this like a prognostication in Revelations?  Does it say

And lo, I saw the Whore of Babylon riding in from the over-privileged East towards the Land of Milk and Honey in the belly of a Beast that consumed the fruits of the Earth and released thick clouds of fire and brimstone into the air; and she and her trusted Lieutenants did descend upon an eatery, where they feasted on the flesh of happily raised farm animals wrapped in thin strips of unleavened bread, mingled with vegetables and peppers and perhaps a dollop of fat free sour cream; and they gave themselves over to gluttony and laughed as the juices dripped down their chins and onto their breasts for they didst forget to gather napkins at the counter; and they did not leave a small gratuity as was the custom of the Land but rather pocketed their spare talents for the future, and they were swallowed again by the Beast who, with an almighty fart of black smoke, did depart so that She might continue Her journey…

Or something like that?

Look, an old woman was hungry as she drove to Iowa (though the Economist reports that Hillary, by her own admission, hasn't driven a car since 1996).  She decided to stop at Chipotle and get a burrito bowl or chicken salad. She probably ate most of it.  Perhaps later it violently disagreed with her.  These are all normal person things.

But of course, Hillary Clinton is not at all normal.  None of these candidates are.  For the next....gosh, several hundred days?.....

For the next several hundred days all these candidates will do is stomp all over each other trying to show us how normal and down to earth they are, when the truth is they are anything but.  They are exceptional, they are rich, they are powerful.  They live in a completely different world.  Rand Paul especially....such an angry, angry place.

I kind of wish the candidates would honor that.  I'm not interested in where people eat or what they eat.  I don't give a flying fig if they leave some change in a change jar.

So to the candidates:  Don't waste time trying to prove how average you are.  I just want to know the answer to two questions:

How will you Govern?

Next time, would you consider going to Taco Bell?

Live Mas!

The Ted Cruz Magical Mystery Tour - Day 22

Roll up for the Ted Cruz Magical Mystery Tour!

Step Right This Way!

So here is what I have been doing with the Twitter feed from the Ted Cruz campaign:

Everyday I check the feed, and on one of those old fashioned legal pads with paper and pen I write down a quick note about where Mr. Cruz is, how far he's traveled, and any other significant events that happen that day.  The miles are courtesy of the map app on my Kindle Fire, so they are road miles, but later I do measure distances in Google to see how many crow miles are involved in case Mr. Cruz chooses to fly, which he often does.  

For example, today's entry is:

Day 22 - 4/13/15 - Marco Rubio enters the race.  Ted Cruz speaks at 12 at the John Locke Foundation Luncheon at the North Raleigh Hilton, Raleigh NC.  San Antonio to Raleigh is 1395 miles.  

And that's it.  

But, I take it one step further now, yeah?  

I take all that information from the web that I have transferred onto paper and then, when the moment suits me, I put all of that information into a spreadsheet.  I use a bit of judgement to discern if Ted flew or took a bus, and decide if the road miles or plane miles should be tallied.  

Oh yeah.  I'm in it for the long haul.  

So what has Mr. Cruz been up to?  Well, after announcing he was running for president and spending a few days in New York doing the whole media thing he decided not to vote for a budget in congress and then, very conveniently, congress went into recess.  He immediately hit the road.  

First it was New Hampshire, then back to Houston to open the campaign center and play some Risk with his campaign manager (to gain an understanding of the nuances of the electoral college) for a few days, then it was a 5 day swing through Iowa and South Carolina.  Since then he has been in Houston, occasionally sallying forth for events like the NRA annual meeting in Tennessee or a John Locke Foundation Luncheon in Raleigh, North Carolina.  

He's been on campaign for 22 days.  Out of those 22 days he's been on the move (changing location) 15 days.  I estimate by now he has probably eaten a good 8 lbs of catered chicken prepared in three extremely different ways.  He's traveled a whopping 8,914 miles, and visited places like Nashua NH (home of Holly Flax), Charleston SC, Des Moines IA, San Antonio TX.   

Events have been mostly small town hall meetings or Republican club luncheons.  The rooms are usually small but always packed.    

I'm still not voting for him.

But hey, he's working hard, traveling a lot, listening to the people, shooting out tweets.  I can barely wait to see where he goes next.

In Which Ted Cruz Runs for President and I get a Twitter Account

So I heard this afternoon that Ted Cruz officially declared that he was running for President today at a speech at Liberty University.  I find it kind of odd that a man made it known he wanted to become the leader of the free world to a crowd of people required to be at a thrice weekly convocation---

But no.  No no no.  It won't do to sling barbs and arrows at Ted Cruz or those things that are associated with him. There is such a long way to go before now and the elections, I just couldn't possibly start to even begin to think about the long, long road that is before us.

And so I started to think about the end, and the end of Ted Cruz's road, where he is giving the speech where he drops out of the race about a year from now, and people are yelling "NO!" and "We love you Ted Cruz!" and I am rubbing my hands with shameful joy.

For some reason, as I thought of this moment, I thought it might be fun to keep a diary of the Ted Cruz Mystery Tour, to just kind of keep track of where he is day by day, see how many miles he logs, see what little real American towns he goes to, see how many corn dogs he eats.

It's an exciting exercise to me, because I actually enjoy thinking about just the epic struggle that running for the Presidency is.  It's fascinating.  All the travel, the hotels, the bland chicken in cold conference centers.

And good God man, the temptation!  I mean, you can't drink whiskey because you'd be seen to be intemperate, and if you can drink beer (provided it doesn't clash with your squeaky clean image) you can't drink the good beer from Germany because people will only vote for a Bud Light kind of guy.  But you are a Doffelschlanger kind of guy, brewed in Bergen-Op-Zoom by buxom European Ladies and yeah, they don't shave their pits and they don't really bathe as often as they maybe should but that is honestly kind of a turn on for you.  But you can't tell anyone that.  Okay, you told your campaign manager and he said "SHHHHH! you dumb son of a bitch stop talking!  You like Bud Light!  You like cleanly shaven armpits that smell like soap!  You like Corn Dogs and Football!  You don't spend Saturday riveted by Bourssia Monchengladbach fighting their way to a nil nil draw against Bayern Leverkusen!  You spend it watching American football and praying to Jesus to ask Him help you figure out what the hell you are going to pray about the next day in Church! That is what you do!  That is who you are!"  

It's clear that to lead the free world, you must kill the self in an epic, year long quest.  And I find it fascinating. And just once I really want to follow along with someone on their epic, Quixotic, hopeless quest.

All this effort is all for naught, at least for Cruz, because in the end the road leads to a ball room crammed with people saying "NO!" as he talks about how important it is to reunite the party after his crushing defeat in....South Carolina. Yeah.

The idea really took hold of  me, and it wouldn't let go.  So I decided to do it.  And what better way to keep track of Mr. Cruz than to follow him on Twitter?

So I got me a Twitter account, for the first time (follow me @wasso2005).    Ted Cruz was the second person I followed (after Jimmy Fallon but before my wife), so hopefully I can stay pretty up to date on his whereabouts.

I will be checking in on Cruz daily, and keeping a brief log of his events.  Every now and then I will let you know how he is doing.   My honest hope is that he doesn't do too well....The running price for my vote is a dozen fresh Krispy Kremes, but I think in his case I would have to up that price significantly to....two dozen fresh Krispy Kremes.