Hey everybody!
Are you unhappy with the state of political discourse in America? Has your daughter gone Goth? Has the long service award you received from the crackerjack factory made you reflect on the Sisyphean labor of life? Are your boobs starting to succumb to the ravages of age and the forces of gravity? Are you getting a little jowly?
Well, never fear, because its the beginning of a new year in Sport! With the start of football, football, and football this fall you will soon be able to distract yourself with the sweet, sweet opium of televised athletic competition! Couldn't come at a better time, my friends. Could not come at a better time.
I always like to make some predictions before the season's start, so dial up your bookies because here we go:
Football (aka Soccer): I find myself in a very strange place as a soccer fan. Everyone who follows this blog knows that I am a Chelsea fan, but this year I joined a consortium of high rollers to purchase a piece of Manchester United (okay, okay, my brother bought 6 shares of MANU stock on the NYSE that are split between my dad, my brother and I, and I owe my brother $30); this means I now own a piece of one of Chelsea's bitterest of rivals. On the other hand, I do have Sir Alex Ferguson on speed dial.
To make matters worse, I have also entered into a bet with those same high rollers as to who will finish higher in the league and I picked Manchester City to win the league. Of course, that was before Manchester United acquired Robben Van Persie (Good god I would love to own a piece of him....wait a tick: I do!!). My reasons, at the time, were that Manchester City and Manchester United hadn't made many moves on the transfer market, and I figured Manchester City still had the better side. Again, that was before MANU bought Van Persie.
But if I am not supporting Chelsea with my money or with my mind than I am certainly supporting them with my heart. Chelsea FC are two games into the season and are top of the table right now. I think they have made some good signings - Hazard looks wonderful - and I am still hoping that Torres finds his old form, or at least something like it. Its a different look from Chelsea, a side that emphasizes attack with a midfield talented enough to pick the locks of a stacked defense. They could use some true wingers (they rely on Ivanovic and Ashley Cole to press up far too much and I think it leaves them vulnerable in defense...), but I think if the team gels and if Torres could find his form they make a title challenge after all.
My prediction for Chelsea: A return to the top 4.
NFL Football: This year I am really going to try to pay attention to the Pittsburgh Steelers, the football team I chose to follow after an extensive selection process involving many bribes and much prayerful consideration. I'll be honest: Don't know much about the team, but I think the Steelers are a little long in the tooth. I predict that they will go 10-6, finish second in their division (to the Ravens), get to the playoffs in the wildcard spot, and lose in the second round. If that is not supporting your team, I don't know what it is.
Hokie Football: Well its a new season for Virginia Tech who ended last year by fake punting their way out of a shot at winning a BCS bowl game. But that was eight months ago, and 99.8% of the Hokie Nation has absolved old Frank Beamer of his past sins and is looking forward to the new season.
And well they should. When I look in my tea leaves I see yet another 10-2 season, with losses to UNC and Florida State. I see a meeting in the ACC champeenship between Florida State and Virginia Tech, and the victors shall be clad in orange and maroon, or white and orange, or black and orange, or whatever the Hokies happen to be wearing that day (Fuck you, Herbstreet!).
So you know what that means. The Hokies are going to go to yet another BCS bowl game. The team will rally around the old man, tearing up the locker room while they scream "Let's win one for good ol' Frank!" and they will go out there and they will play like men, like warrior poets!
But they will be outgunned, outmanned, outbamboozled, and outdone. They shall come home with nothing but pride, and Beamer will only grow more stooped as the town of Blacksburg and hundreds of thousands of fanatical alumni with little better to do continue to heap the expectations on the septuagenarian's shoulders.
So, 10-2 and ACC champions again. It's going to be another disappointing season.
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