I usually don't go for them, but I saw one today and I figured what the heck? I've been looking for something to write about lately that isn't books or Trump, so why not myself? It worked for Montaigne.
So, without further ado....
1. Do you like Blue Cheese? Only if it's Blue Cheese dressing, and then only if its being dipped into by a buffalo wing. So I guess the answer is....no, not really.
2. Do you smoke? About once a year I will have a cigar, provided I have forgotten they taste like shit. About half way through I will begin to regret my decision, and wonder how I could have been fooled yet again into thinking that smoking a cigar would actually be a pleasurable experience. So....no, not really.
3. Do you own a gun? Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Knock at my door at 2AM and see.
4. What flavor Kool-Aid? Grape. I used to drink grape kool-aid all the time on the Appalachian Trail, double strength, enough to make YOU want to run through walls and say "Awwwww Yeah!" or whatever that dude said.
5. Do you get nervous before a Doctor's Appointment? Not usually, unless there are needles involved, or we are going to talk about depression and suicidal thoughts (which is never easy), or my ears are about to be irrigated, or I have to get any blood drawn, or if the visit involves dropping my pants in anyway.
So....yes.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? You should never put ketchup on a hot dog if you are over the age of 12.
7. What is your favorite movie? Well, I would normally say Master and Commander, because I find it is a movie I can watch many times and not really get tired of. I like the feel of it, and the look of it, and the general plot. Though the more I watch it the more I find little things that about it that annoy me, like how the actors are trying to fake playing the cello and violin and just a couple of hitches in the acting that I think are awkward and hokey and silly.
Now, if I was judging things on purely cinematic merit, I would have to say Braveheart, which is probably the greatest movie ever made in a technical sense. But I've soured on Mel Gibson...
Tom Hanks is always good. Saving Private Ryan is an excellent movie, though very hard to watch. Forrest Gump, now, my Dad thinks that is the greatest movie ever made and it's hard to disagree. But that's HIS favorite movie and I don't really want to have a favorite movie that someone else has...it should be more unique.
So I am going to go with One Crazy Summer, where a bunch of kids fight to keep developers from building on top of their grandma's house or something like that. Or is that Happy Gilmore?
Hmmm...
Let me get back to you on that one.
8. What do you prefer to drink the morning? Scotch. Or Coffee. But never at the same time.
9. Can you do a push up? I can do like 13 of them bitch, all in a row. 24 if I let me knees touch the ground.
10. What is your favorite piece of jewelry? I am rather partial of my wedding ring. I got it because the pattern reminds me of the texturing in Van Gogh's paintings of Cypress Trees that he did while he was in a mental institution near Paris.
What that has to do with marriage I don't know.
11. Do you have a hobby? You're looking at it bucko.
12. Do you have ADHD? This would be a good time to insert a joke about how I am writing my answer but am then distracted by something shiny or a squirrel or something like that. But I won't give you the satisfaction.
Though interestingly, did you know that Germans have a really tough time with the word squirrel? It's a fact!
What were we talking about? Oh right, I....dammit!
13. Do you wear glasses? Mmmm hmmm.
14. Who was your childhood idol? Roberto Clemente, outfielder for the Pittsburgh Pirates, 3000 regular season hits. Died trying to save others.
15. For some reason there is no question 15, at least on the facebook feed I am looking at. So I am not sure how to handle this one. Let's move on to the next.
16. Three drinks you usually drink? Coffee. La Croix Coconut Water. Gypsy tears.
17. Current Worries? I think, when I am sitting still, I can slowly feel my teeth shifting around in my head.
18. Things I hate? I fucking hate Mannheim Steamroller and Trans Siberian Orchestra. And it's because of their Christmas Music.
Trans Siberian Orchestra Christmas music is the kind of thing you would listen to if you were celebrating Christmas by attacking the Death Star or assaulting Sevastopol (which the British did, actually, during the Crimean War, thinking the fact that the soldiers were fighting on Christmas would give them a little boost in morale). But that to me isn't Christmas.
Mannheim Steamroller because I think their music is cheesy but when you see them in a parade or something they are obviously grooving on it pretty hard. The fact that anyone could get down to that sort of thing, could actually listen to it and say "woah man, that's far out. You know who wrote this? I did. Isn't it cool?" makes me lose faith in humanity for a short time.
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| Mannheim Steamroller. You'd think, considering their great success, that they would be able to afford better shoes. |
19. Favorite Place to Be? You kidding? Whether it's coming in at 2 AM to launch a new submarine, standing out on the shop floor waiting for something to arrive so that something can be fixed so that maybe something will happen today, or sitting hunched over a keyboard staring into the depths of a thrice rolled over spreadsheet while I take a sip from a another cup of coffee that closely resembles bunker fuel, there is no where I would rather be than working at Newport News Shipbuilding, where we build the most kick-ass ships the world has ever seen and we have a wonderful time doing it!
Why yes, I did recently apply for a promotion. Why do you ask?
20. How did you ring in the New Year? I was asleep. I didn't even try to stay awake. My wife and I called game over at 10:30.
21. Where would you like to go? I've always wanted to go visit the landing sites for the Invasion of Normandy.
22. Name three people who will do this? Well, I know Donald Trump likes to talk about himself so I imagine he will do one, if he can sit still long enough to focus and keep his eye off the telly. I think Don Draper from Mad Men would maybe do one but then crumple the paper in the trash before posting it. And my neighbor Suvatjana, who comes from Upper Malakvia and doesn't speak English so good.
23. Do you own slippers? Fuck no. But in spite of the emphatic negative, I think I kind of wish I did. At least in the winter.
24. What color is your shirt? It's dark blue with white lettering. Many of my shirts, actually, are dark blue with white lettering.
25. Do you like sleeping in satin sheets? Yes, but only in the nude. Otherwise what's the point?
26. Can you whistle? I can whistle extremely well. Annoyingly well. Most Marickovich men, actually, can. I've got good range, and excellent pitch. Not very loud -- I won't be able to call a dog or get your attention from across a grassy knoll, or even cat call a beautiful woman over the clatter of Smitty's jackhammer (but who does THAT anymore). But if you want someone to whistle the main melody lines of Bach's 3rd Keyboard Concerto in D major, with a bit of counterpoint to boot, well, I am your man.
27. Where are you now? Home. What kind of a question is that?
28. Would you be a pirate? Depends. If you are talking modern day Somali type pirates, then the answer is no. If you are talking more of the Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow variety, I'd be willing to think about it if you threw in an official pirate hat.
29. What is your favorite color? Blue....no, wait.....AAAAAGGGHHHHHHHH!
30. What is something you are afraid of? Cows. They are big, stupid, lumbering beasts that step on your toes and shit on your lunch without thinking twice, and they just stare at you with those big black eyes, eyes like a dolls eyes, and chew their cud, completely unafraid of you. And you just wonder....what are they thinking? Do they know that one day I am likely to be eating one of them? Are they wondering perhaps if the tables could be turned, maybe how best to serve a fillet of Marickovich - medium rare perhaps, with a side of garlic mashed potatoes, washed down with a nice beer served at a bar by a strapping bull with a trendy nose ring through his nose? I wonder....
31. Favorite Foods? One of my favorite things to do is take a tortilla and wrap it around some cheese and just stick in the microwave for about 45 seconds till the cheese is all melty. Almost any cheese will do, except for blue cheese which I think we deduced earlier I in fact do not like.
Other than that, macaroni and cheese, and peanut butter. Not at the same time of course.
Although....
32. What's in your pocket? My wallet, $5, and a knife. Everything you need to have an interesting night out.
33. Last thing that made you laugh? Probably a joke my co-worker told me. But I can't remember what it was about.
34. What is your favorite Animal? Boom.
35. What is your worst injury? I rolled over my pinkie finger once playing soccer, and pretty much broke it. Didn't seek medical attention, just got a mountain man with beaver blood on his work boots to reset it after drinking a big slug of Canadian Jack Whisky. It turned black but I just put a little bit of Dr. Carruther's Wonder Elixir on it and after a few months the swelling went down. Oddly, it's never been the same since.
36. How many TV's in your house? In reality only one. Though every screen is a TV these days. So if you count the smart phones, the computers, the tablets, and the TV itself....6. Not enough really for a man cave (especially as not all of those screens are mine), but its a start.
37. Worst Pain? See that? See that? Marie Ann Moffett....she broke my heart!
38. Do you like to dance? Only if I am at a wedding, because everyone will remember the bride and groom and no one will remember that awkward man strutting around with his limbs all akimbo and his hips gyrating in a disturbing manner, like he was some kind of wounded bird. The open bar, if there is one, usually helps. Otherwise, I really don't like to dance at all, much to my wife's chagrin, who is a wonderful dancer.
39. Are your parents living? Yes, and they are well, thank you. Though they will probably not be happy with the amount of curse words I put in this one. But as they used to say in the back parlors of 18th century Paris...
40. Favorite Book? I got a lot out of The Brothers Karamazov, which I think is probably the best book ever written. Though for sheer readability I would go with Krakauer's Into Thin Air or Harbach's The Art of Fielding. Also would put The Crimson Petal and the White by Faber on the list. These are books I could read over and over again, which is something I don't normally do.
But if there was a best history book category the prize would go to Fred Andersen's book about the Seven Years War, Crucible of War, which was masterful from start to finish. Even the footnotes were worth reading.
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