The Post Where England Slowly Sinks into the Sea

Those who think they know me well think that I love all things British (and particularly those things English).  It's true that I like lots of British comedians and authors; I have always enjoyed British history;  I also like football (soccer) and English pubs; some British foods, some British beers, British bands, the British Open; I don't really like the Queen but I did dress up as her once for Halloween a long time ago.  I can appreciate the pomp.  I also absolutely adore English muffins.

So it might come as a surprise that I actually root against England during major soccer tournaments.  Since they believe that they invented football by pulling it out of their beef fed arses the English have a strange sense of entitlement when it comes to The Beautiful Game, this despite the fact that they have only won the World Cup once (1966) and have never placed higher than third in a European Championship.  They are not nearly as good as they think they are, they were probably never as good as they used to be,  and every new generation of players seems to be a "Golden Generation" set to do great things on the pitch and return glory to that most glorious of lands:  Engalond.

And therein lies what really is the true joy of watching these international tournaments, and that is watching the English try to figure out what the hell happened when, inevitably, it all falls apart in yet another apathetic, shambolic display.

And boy did it ever fall apart today.

England lost to Iceland 2-1, Iceland coming back early after England had gone up 1-0 on a penalty converted by the sometimes balding Wayne Rooney.  But Iceland came back on a trademark long throw-in that the England team knew all about and yet, somehow failed to defend.  A scant 12 minutes later Sigthorsson would slot home against Joe Hart after some impressive interplay by Iceland at the top of the England box.  Hart got a hand to it but he was too tired after slapping people in the tunnel and belting "God Save the Queen" at the top of his lungs to make it an effective save and the ball dribbled across the goal line.  For the rest of the game Iceland defended with panache and organization while England panicked and the rest....

Well it's history, really, isn't it?  Iceland is a nation of merely 330,000 people.  The country has done a lot with its football squad, raising it in the rankings from 100+ to 37th; and yet one of the co-managers has to work part time as a dentist, because in Iceland football doesn't quite pay.  By contrast, disgraced manager Roy Hodgson (who has done the most English thing imaginable by resigning almost immediately) was making millions of pounds a year just to manage an England team made up largely of players who play in the EPL, arguably the greatest professional soccer league in the world.  

From "The Guardian": Harry Kane had a poor night for England, misplacing many of his free-kicks. Photograph: Yves Herman/Reuters

It sounds kind of like if you had this huge, incredible army with this vast fleet of ships, and yet you were still defeated by a bunch of farmers with pitchforks who decided to shoot from behind rocks and trees at you in your scarlet coats.  Maybe that is why this defeat hurts so much. It brings up memories of times gone by.  

Of course there is added context as this is the first game the National Team has played since their countrymen stated, by vote, that they wanted to leave the EU.  It is true that Iceland is not part of the EU and so there is no real political significance to the loss; and yet I wonder if this doesn't add to the incredible sinking feeling amongst many English (who voted by large margins to leave) that they aren't all they are cracked up to be.   

Au revoir, England!  Au revoir.