How much of the ceremony he'll remember 14 years on I can't say. I know that I can't remember much of mine. I'm pretty sure that Frank Beamer was our commencement speaker. I vaugely recall that he gave a decent speech with all the normal platitudes, though what exactly he said I can't remember. I think that I can remember who our valedictorian was. She had done a science fair project on genetics that had cancer research implications; my entry concerned which brand of store bought cookie could hold the most milk after being immersed for 4 seconds. I didn't win the science fair.
I remember also not particularly enjoying myself. Why that was a I couldn't say. Perhaps it's because I knew that my friends, some of whom I'd grown quite close to, were about to be scattered to the four winds. Maybe it was the first signs of depression that would manifest itself fully in college and never really go away. Maybe my shoes were too tight. I just don't know.
The graduation I saw this past weekend was fairly typical. A band played an endless rendition of "Pomp and Circumstance" as the graduates walked in. A note to anyone thinking about cutting funding for the arts in public schools: think again. Sitting through 15 verses of "P&C" is bad enough, but if it's played poorly that is a horse of a different color (brown, I think). The commencement speaker was from the business world, and he told the assembly that staying connected, being kind to others, and working hard would lead them on the path towards a life of consequence. The kids got their diplomas. Hats were tossed in the air. There was much rejoicing.
The valedictorian's address was interesting, though not in a good way. The speech was essentially a 12 minute metaphor in which the graduates were compared to champagne bubbles heading towards the top of a flute glass. Among 31,000 other children graduating in Virginia alone, who are also bubbles in this very large glass of champagne, how could the people in this class of 126 rise to the top? She answered the question and neatly showed us how clever she was by quoting something by Ayn Rand which in a mere two days I've already forgotten.
I found it to be annoying and condescending. "Heck" I thought to myself I did, "she probably delights in pointing out, over and over again, that the final battle in 'The Patriot' is actually a mash-up of Cowpens and Guillford's Courthouse, and that Colonel Tavington is actually based on the real-life Colonel Tarleton, who survived the war and returned to England to rise to the rank of General and nearly commanded British troops in the Peninsular War. Tarleton's dragoons wore green jackets, not red, and..."
And I realized I do the same thing, all the time. This girl and I are the same. She was a more annoying, more attractive, and much younger version of myself.
It made me wonder what I would say if I was a valedictorian, especially with the benefit of 14 years additional experience. I'd probably be tempted to speak to them of the challenges that lie ahead, but I hope the better angels of my nature would prevail and I would trot out the good old platitudes about how the world is theirs if they are willing to work for it. Graduation, after all, is supposed to be a happy occasion, not a time to bicker and argue about who killed who. It is my hope that my brother in law, and all others graduating as the school years draw to a close, remembers it always as something happy and joyous.
Congratulations, Graduates! The world is yours! Soon you be able to eat cookies for breakfast and no one will be able to stop you. Because you are adults, you have arrived, you are kings of the castle and masters of your own destiny! Go on, just take a big honking block of cheese and just bite into like an apple. You know you've always wanted to see what that was like. Well, now is the time. You've earned it!
The valedictorian's address was interesting, though not in a good way. The speech was essentially a 12 minute metaphor in which the graduates were compared to champagne bubbles heading towards the top of a flute glass. Among 31,000 other children graduating in Virginia alone, who are also bubbles in this very large glass of champagne, how could the people in this class of 126 rise to the top? She answered the question and neatly showed us how clever she was by quoting something by Ayn Rand which in a mere two days I've already forgotten.
I found it to be annoying and condescending. "Heck" I thought to myself I did, "she probably delights in pointing out, over and over again, that the final battle in 'The Patriot' is actually a mash-up of Cowpens and Guillford's Courthouse, and that Colonel Tavington is actually based on the real-life Colonel Tarleton, who survived the war and returned to England to rise to the rank of General and nearly commanded British troops in the Peninsular War. Tarleton's dragoons wore green jackets, not red, and..."
And I realized I do the same thing, all the time. This girl and I are the same. She was a more annoying, more attractive, and much younger version of myself.
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| Lieutenant-Colonel Banastre Tarleton, painted by Sir Joshua Reynolds in 1781. His compatriots would always note that Tarleton was "Not a particularly kind fellow" which loosely translates today into "He was a total dick." That's one thing, at least, that the movie got right. Nice hat. |
Congratulations, Graduates! The world is yours! Soon you be able to eat cookies for breakfast and no one will be able to stop you. Because you are adults, you have arrived, you are kings of the castle and masters of your own destiny! Go on, just take a big honking block of cheese and just bite into like an apple. You know you've always wanted to see what that was like. Well, now is the time. You've earned it!
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