Commo-Nazis!

So...the MLS cup is on (Hey! It's Jurgen Klinsman!) Bryan Setzer has popped up out of rabbit hole to offer us some jazzy Christmas tunes and Fox News is accusing NPR of being Nazis. The air is crisp, cashiers at Wal-Mart are strengthening their defensive positions, and I am sharpening my credit cards.

*Shhhh!* What's that? Do you hear that? It's Christmas.

And that? It's the sound of Glenn Beck calling Mrs. Sally Shelmerston of Fascism. The reason? Eh, he doesn't need one.

Actually I guess I should offer a correction on the spot; Fox News beating on the Nazi drum doesn't necessarily mean its Christmas as it happens every day. But if Glenn Beck gets a big lump of coal in his stocking for...mmm...stretching the truth, don't be surprised if he has a special edition of his show on Christmas Day with a big dose of hot, stinking truth for you.

Santa Claus: Nazi. Even worst, a communist Nazi.

Think about it. Red is the color of communism. He distributes toys to every good girl and boy no matter what their socio-economic class. And just where was he between 1939 and 1945 when where those no Christmas? Some say that he couldn't fly his sleigh around due to the war, and that his elves swtiched from toy production to war production (they made socks for...guess who...THE USSR!), but Glenn Beck will no doubt note that Santa Claus wears black boots. Guess who else wore black boots? THE WAFFEN SS! Kris Kringle? Huh. Try Kristopher Kringlemann. Yeah, on Christmas Day 1944 Santa was sitting in a tiger tank advancing on Bastogne (he was lucky to survive that day, actually...the German column that penetrated the US defenses on was cut to ribbons).

Never mind the fact that communists and Fascists (god, it would really help make my case if I could spell Fas...that word) are opposing ideologies as can be seen on the Eastern Front (though it might not have mattered...Hitler (and Santa) hated the Russians), but such details are simply not important.

I'm watching you Santa....actually, I'm not watching you. But Glenn Beck is. So be careful...